It’s your 60th birthday. You wrote a world-famous novel which catapulted you into a realm of respect, and have just been knighted by Queen Elizabeth. Another book seven years later gave you true worldwide recognition.
A leader halfway around the world calls for your death. Actually, there’s been a bounty on your head for about the last couple decades. The government spends millions to protect your hide.
PETA, which might earn more respect if some of their members weren’t so nutty, has held an annual competition for the “Sexiest Vegetarian Alive” since 2001. They’re doing it again, this time dubbing it “The World’s Sexiest Vegetarian Celebrity”.
They let you vote for one man and one woman from a list of “celebrities”, 90% exhumed from the C, D, E, and F-lists. A bit of advice for PETA: your list of celebrities should not have most people thinking, “Who???” If some guy named “Q-Tip” can be considered a celebrity, that means I should be considered a celebrity. Although I’m not a vegetarian anyway, so that doesn’t matter. Probably.
I recommend we start stuffing the ballot box with votes for:
Dennis Kucinich, who has no chance of being considered sexy by anyone but his wife.
Mary Tyler Moore, who is considerably past her prime.
(Note: When voting, uncheck the “Sign me up for PETA E-News and special announcements from PETA” if you don’t want their newsletters. Although I signed up for it. Not that I’m going to go veggie or anything like that. It’s because, you know, they sometimes link to videos of how slaughterhouses beat up chickens and stuff. That’s always interesting.)
