Liquid Egg Product
The Shawn Bradley of Weblogs
"Can you think of any time when a [library] patron sitting at a computer and watching porn and masturbating would be acceptable behavior?"
-- Carl Monday

Yo, my chess movez are crunk!

Yes, the Hip-Hop Chess Federation™ seems to be serious. Check out their site!

June 21st, 2007 2 comments
Posted by Donnie Filed under Chess, Entertainment

Liquid Egg Product reviews the McDonald’s parfait

In recent years, McDonald’s has managed to pretend it offers a variety of healthy food options. I’m not sure how it is in other countries, but in the States I’m betting most people go to McDonald’s for a Whopper Big Mac with fries, not salads. Which still have a high not-healthy potential because of fatty salad dressing.

Yesterday for lunch, I got their yogurt parfait (to round out the experience, I also got a couple 79 cent hamburgers and fries. These were left partially uneaten.)

Here’s a close-up of the parfait. It’s reminiscent of this movie.

McDonald’s Parfait

They are also kind enough to add this sad pack of granola.

McDonald’s Parfait…with GRANOLA!

Overall, the taste and appearance are adequate and it’s probably relatively healthy.

June 21st, 2007 5 comments
Posted by Donnie Filed under Entertainment

Surgeons are more plentiful in India

Surgeon

In the United States, you have to step through a lot of hoops to become a surgeon. University, med school, and other crap.

In India, all you have to do is have two parents that are doctors who want you to set a world record, and presto! You have 15-year-old who does C-sections!

In Miami, plastic surgeons and dentists are ubiquitous; the problem being most of them have addresses like 253 Palm St. Apt #1305.

June 21st, 2007 no comments
Posted by Donnie Filed under In the News

High school sweethearts

Most parents have some sort of an idea of the kind of guy they’d want their daughter to marry. Conversely, there are qualities most parents would consider to be a negative in a son-in-law.

One of those is being the same age as the parents:

A 40-year-old high school teacher and cross country coach has resigned and married a 16-year-old student.

A marriage license shows Brenton Wuchae married Windy Hager in Brunswick County, N.C., on Monday. The county board of education approved Wuchae’s resignation Tuesday — a week after he had requested it.

Maybe some sort of compromise–like the idea of waiting until the girl was 18– was completely unreasonable.

June 21st, 2007 1 comment
Posted by Donnie Filed under In the News, Uncomfortability

Spirit uses really strange advertisements

As if we needed more proof that memorable <> good:

Ocho

June 21st, 2007 no comments
Posted by Donnie Filed under Bad Ads

Bob Barker may be senile, and some uncomfortability for good measure

When you think Bob Barker hosting The Price is Right, what qualities do you think of? You might say class, stability, and calm, and you’d probably figure CBS might want to stay in the same direction.

Bob Barker has a right to make friends with whoever he pleases, and I suppose he has every right to recommend a successor. I have a hard time believing he’s serious that his friend Rosie O’Donnell would make a good replacement. My guess is that he’s either losing it, or wants to cement his legacy by making sure the next host of the show is a failure.

As for the next story, kids don’t look, and, uh, a lot of you adults may not want to look either. Definitely major uncomfortability just presenting this link, but here it is: the top 10 sex records. I do call shenanigans on #5. The average, er, volume is about .003 liters. You can do the math.

Thanks to some guy Brad that I don’t know personally for the stories. (That sentence probably could have been phrased better.) Weird and patently uncomfortable stories are always welcome at Liquid Egg Product.

June 20th, 2007 1 comment
Posted by Donnie Filed under Entertainment, Uncomfortability

And this is one reason I roll my own site

If my site’s screwed up, at least I want it to be my own fault. It’s frustrating to have to rely on other people to clean up stuff for you:

Xanga Offline

I’m not being critical of Xanga. This has nothing to do with being disappointed at not being able to check three of my friends’ blogs to see if they had any updates.

June 20th, 2007 2 comments
Posted by Donnie Filed under Science/Technology

Many, many passengers did not enjoy their last flight

And that assumes the flight even departed.

Yesterday had all the indications of a “code red” with regards to New York flights. It was weather-related, but that’s no consolation to this would-be passenger:

We sat on the plane for five hours on the tarmac, and all they gave us was a glass of water and a granola bar.

(Yeah, but was it one of those “king size” granola bars?)

A flight that was supposed to go from San Fran to Hong Kong was canceled after the passengers waiting for 7 wretched hours. These passengers were a bit more accepting of their fate:

In the grand scheme of things, we’re going to get on our honeymoon later than we would have liked. That sucks, but as long as we get there safely, that’s important too.

The crown jewel of a less-than-perfect experience? Having an unpleasant neighbor next to you for a trans-Atlantic flight. In this case, that neighbor was overflowing sewage from a toilet:

I’ve never felt so offended in all my life. I felt like i had been physically abused and neglected. I was forced to sit next to human excrement for seven hours.

Please feel free to recommend a better way to avoid repeat customers.

June 20th, 2007 no comments
Posted by Donnie Filed under In the News, Uncomfortability

Sorry, Grandpa

Tom Cruise

When the time comes for me to get married, there’s always the issue of massive planning and making sure everything’s perfect for the bride. Because as we know, the wedding’s a girl thing. As guys, our job is to:

  • Say “Yes, dear,” when the fiance makes a suggestion.
  • Play golf up to one hour before the wedding. (Well, I don’t like golf, so I’ll stick with chess.)

One part of the planning could be very easy for me: my grandfather’s a pastor, so he’d be able to perform the ceremony, and he did do my sister’s wedding last year. Not to spurn family, but I would have to decline his services if he so offered.

You see, there’s this other guy who I’d love to perform the ceremony. You may have heard of him; his name is Tom Cruise. Apparently, he’s reached the highest levels of Scientology by taking the “cream” and the “clear”. Or something like that. This apparently means he act as some sort of priest, and rumor has it that he could perform a wedding for a friend.

I’m saving my money from now for what will hopefully be a glorious day. Who knows, maybe Xenu will tag along, and I’ll get to meet him in person.

June 20th, 2007 6 comments
Posted by Donnie Filed under Chess, Entertainment, Religion

Honoring Shawn Bradley

Just because.

Tracy McGrady posterizes Shawn Bradley

(Shawn Bradley’s the white stiff getting dunked on.)

June 20th, 2007 no comments
Posted by Donnie Filed under Sports, Weaksauce Losers