NOW! With less salmonella!

True, it wasn’t Bush-Kerry 2004, but…the results for the US Chess Federation executive board voting are in.

I did not bother to vote, and I wasn’t alone. Only two good things happened here:

1. If I were forced to vote for one person, it would have been Randy Bauer, and he did get elected.
2. Sam Sloan did not get re-elected. (Here’s my short blurb on him.)

It was difficult to know who to vote for because, well, of politics. Not knowing which rumors and accusations are right and wrong, and who has hidden agendas.

Susan Polgar easily led all candidates in the voting, and any other result would have been a surprise. It’s like an Arnold Schwarznegger running for office: when you’re famous, you get more votes. (The Polgar sisters are very famous in the world of chess.) To me, this is not a problem; it’s not like she can help being well-known, it’s good to have a female presence on the board, and she’ll likely do a decent job.

I was disappointed, however, to see that both Polgar and Truong were elected, and to four-year terms at that. They had a recent, low-key marriage which should have been better publicized, and they will essentially be voting as a block for four years. It’s not too hard to see a link between limited publicizing of the marriage and making sure both of them get elected.

When you were a kid did you ever…

1. Try to figure out how many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop?
2. Get a “kick me” sign stuck on your back? And actually get kicked?
3. Get confused because you associated “grimace” with happiness because of the McDonald’s character, just to find out something different from a vocab list?
4. Try to build an igloo in winter?
5. Get a guilt-trip from your parents about not eating awful food because of starving kids in Ethiopia?
6. Have an irrational fear of Mr. Glitch from Mathman?
7. Have other kids try to convince you there’s a ring around the Earth because the equator’s a yellow line on the globe? (I didn’t fall for it.)
8. Think Duck Tales was a good show?
9. Think America’s Funniest Home Videos was a good show?
10. Discover that…oh, I don’t have the guts to say this one.
11. Get a fingernail ripped off by performing a foolishly risky biking maneuver?
12. Have teenagers pretend to offer you cocaine when it’s really just a handful of snow?
13. Think you would ever get to be as old as you are now?

He said it was “too frightening” to try. So, unable to resist the siren call of representing all my e-mail as bikini-clad babes, I’ve downloaded it to see if it’s worth using.

Nice attempt at trying to spell “The Simpsons”, but they may want to try using even fewer S’s next time.

Cuba seems to be preparing for the death of one old guy with another old guy.

You think that clip art of a radio tower is crappy? Check out some of the radio ads we Miamians have to endure:

Headquarter Toyota: “You’ll feel like you bought from the factory!” That’s one way of warning their customers how dirty their showroom is. At least they’re not ashamed of it.

Some Other Random Car Dealership: “We accept all credit applications.” Well, that’s just swell. If they said they’d finance everyone regardless of credit, that might be something. All these guys really guarantee is that they’ll take 20 seconds to skim over Random Guy’s credit app (and only afterwards laugh in his face).

Since when did we live in the year 12X6?: Hearing a fishing store advertising compound bows was slightly jarring, and I wondered why 13th century bows would appeal to the fishing crowd. (I had confused them with composite bows, which were so effectively used by the armies of Genghis Khan. Compound bows were invented in the sixties and are used for hunting.)

Corona Beer: “Official Sponsor of the Timeout.” They spout consistently lame-o stories about how sports employees decided to drink Corona instead of doing their jobs. I feel sorry for Corona having to shell out money for a radio campaign guaranteed to drive people away from their product. Unless, of course, they created the ads in-house, in which case the perpetrators deserve the Howard C. Forman treatment.

Beverly’s Jewelers: Miami is the third poorest major city in the US. We don’t need to hear about jewelry that’s on sale for “only $3,495″.

I forgot this week’s installation of “Monday Fighter!”. And it simply won’t do to have it on a Thursday. It will be back next Monday.

But if you’re feeling nostalgic, here are the previous Monday Fighter!’s. Or should that be “Monday Fighters!”? Any help from English majors and punctuation freaks most appreciated.

I hate the idea of being expected to be available all the time. Wasn’t there a time in human history when we didn’t have to worry about getting random and/or inconvenient calls every hour of the day?

Not that people call me all the time, but I hate having to have this conversation:

“Donnie, why didn’t you answer your cell phone?”
“Well. Maybe I was sleeping or busy or something when you called.”

Learn this:

Electronic Arts has the official NFL license wrapped up, so any competing American football video game products can’t use real NFL teams or players. So, they have to find other ways to attract gamers.

They can sign retired players, and in this preview of All-Pro Football 2K8, we see that one of the former players 2K Sports uses is O.J. Simpson. In the game, he plays for a team called the Assassins, and the preview’s worth it just for the crowning moment at the end.