My spam learner should figure out pretty soon that any e-mail containing the word “lottery” is spam. I’ve won an Irish or English lottery every few days for the past several weeks.

Most favorite intro ever: “Is my delight contacting you? Though we have not met face to face but i believe we could achieve this goal if we cooperate and work in oneness.” The e-mail is from a Polish address, they ask me to respond to a Canadian address, and the spammer claims to represent the Economic Community of West African States.

Adobe Photoshop CS3 retail: $999. But I can get it for the low, low price of $89.95. Please don’t say anything about how that’s possible; I need to claim “plausible deniability” just in case.

Australia’s gravediggers give thanks Manuel Uribe is Mexican: Obese corpses are straining Australia’s mortuaries and creating safety hazards. Terms from the article include “major logistical problems”, “significant occupational health and safety issues”, and “more robust equipment”.

Survival of the fittest: according to this study, bosses who crush their fellow humans’ souls have a good chance of getting promoted.

Then again, why the mushroom is an online poll of 240 people making news? Online polls are well known to have potentially horrible samples, and people will more likely answer yes when they don’t like their boss or job, even when their boss is not particularly cruel.

They consider it permissible: The Taliban are still planning on kidnapping civilians. It’s almost as if they have nothing to lose or something. Amnesty International, please remember this next time you negotiate with an extremist jihadist organization: they don’t care if their actions are considered war crimes.

Big money: Between movies like the Transformers, the Simpon, and the Bourne Ultimatum, there hasn’t been much talk this summer about the alleged demise of the theatre. Theatres have really big screens that can’t be duplicated at home, and plenty of people will still want to go.