This is a big day in the history of Liquid Egg Product. That smiling egg you see in the picture is now the website’s official mascot! Here’s the exclusive interview I had with him.

Me: So tell the readers, what was it about my page that attracted you?

LEP Mascot: I couldn’t get a gig anywhere else, and you’re actually willing to pay me. So now I know what it feels like to be an illegal immigrant. Sometimes you have to take the work no one else wants to do.

Me: Um…right. You sound a little bitter.

LEP Mascot: Let me tell you something. I tried to get a job hawking Liquid Egg Product cereal. Kellogg’s, General Mills, Post, and Quaker—they all turned me down. But they’re billion dollar companies, and I can see why they don’t need me. Competing against Tony the Tiger and Cap’n Crunch…

Me: You were fighting tradition. That’s tough!

LEP Mascot: But getting laughed out of Malt-O-Meal HQ…that’s when I realized I had to start at the bottom. So I found the bottomest rung on the ladder I could find.

Me: [coughs] Yes, er, well, you get your first chance to strut yourself in a few days for Talk Like a Pirate Day. Feeling nervous?

LEP Mascot: I’m not sure which is more humiliating, being forced to talk like a pirate or being rejected by Malt-O-Meal.

Me: I guess we’re done here.

LEP Mascot: Righty-o.

Another reason to keep your gaming sessions under 35 hours at a time: a guy died in an internet bar after playing online games for 3 days straight. This mode of death seems to be getting more and more popular in China and Korea.

Although the game was not specified, it was more than likely 50K Racewalker or StrongBadZone. You could play those forever! (C’mon, you sissy, click on the links and try them!)

As of today, there have been 100 attempts at posting spam comments. Liquid Egg Product would like to thank all the spammers that have made this day possible.

After a hiatus, it’s time for Monday Fighter! to make its return. I actually have a few more fortune cookies left, but keep on forgetting to scan them, so it’ll take a different approach this week.

Our company is currently looking to fill an entry-level computer programmer position, and many of the resumés have certainly gotten themselves noticed.

To his credit, this applicant did not brag about his skills in Bisual Vasic. Nonetheless, it was apparent that “fluent” may not be the best word to describe his English proficiency.

Even so, we would have taken one of him instead of an army of this applicant. Simply put, there is no snide remark or sarcastic gesture ample enough for a proper response.