As much as we’ll regret this later, the Mascot and I have decided to give you a behind-the-scenes look at the decision-making process that determines how some of the garbage and not-quite-garbage makes it on this site. (Some of you are new, and have little idea who this Mascot is. This post will mostly explain his origins.)
Earlier today…
LEP Mascot: This week’s been awful. You’ve gotta go with that Saudi Arabia post or something. And I still don’t understand why you won’t let me post for a week.
Me: You know why. And that Saudi Arabia post STINKS, and I’m the one who wrote it. It’s not interesting. It’s not funny. Maybe you can add something worthwhile to it–
LEP Mascot: OK, Mr. Worthless Blogger Award winner.
Me: I didn’t mean it has to have any socially redeeming value. It just has to interest people.
LEP Mascot: I still don’t understand why you’re grounding me.
Me: If you’re going to insult people, you have to be funny. If you’re not, that’s a problem, and that’s what got Imus in trouble. Your Isiah [sic] Thomas post was OK. That euros instead of dollars line was good. But it’s not like it was the acme of comedy. Plus, you can’t go around making fun of women’s looks.
LEP Mascot: And this is from the guy who mocks Manuel Uribe’s weight.
Me: That guy was proud to receive his world’s fattest man award. As far as I’m concerned, he’s fair game. Sometimes you have to be a little diplomatic. Like instead of saying Anucha Browne’s ugly, you could say she’s a seven and under.
LEP Mascot: A seven and under?
Me: That Helen A. S. Popkin chick used that term to describe the people who aren’t incredibly beautiful. Like most of us.
LEP Mascot: So I could say Anucha is a two and under, and that’s better!
Me: *sigh* You aren’t getting this.
LEP Mascot: Just messing. Seven and under. Got it. So if I wanted to brag about my looks without seeming egotistical, I’d say I’m an eight and above?
Me: Yeah, I suppose….
LEP Mascot: And if I’m speaking in Diplomacy to you, it would be, “It’s too bad you’re a seven and under instead of an eight and above like me.” The English translation: “It sucks to have your face. You need plastic surgery to look like me.”
Me: Something like that…
LEP Mascot: What if I wrote my name as “Liquid E. P. Mascot”? How cool would that be?
Me: Not very.
LEP Mascot: You’re going away this weekend again, so you need a guest blogger. Too bad I’m grounded….
Me: *sigh* Go ahead. Saturday and Sunday are yours.
LEP Mascot: Yippee!
Me: I am so going to regret this.
LEP Mascot: This was awesome. We should make this a podcast next time.
October 4th, 2007
6 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Burning Agony
Reassembler had a great article a couple days ago, and covered (in depth) some of the stuff that I wanted to mention (in shallow). You may also appreciate his better manipulation of the English language.
There’s a bunch of chess bloggers calling themselves the Knights Errant who do these “Seven Circle” exercises as espoused by one Michael de la Maza (pdf). De la Maza improved from class D to Expert in a bit over a year (then wrote a book and disappeared from tournament play completely…) Apparently, the Seven Circles requires a dedication of time that for most adults would cause them to neglect kids, fail to consume basic nutrition, and/or lose their jobs. Attempts to get the government to classify de la Maza’s followers as a cult have so far proved unsuccessful.
Originally, I wanted to explore whether the Seven Circle improves people’s chess skill faster than other methods. But if there’s a way to determine that, one thing’s for sure: I’m too lazy to find out. (Hopefully it doesn’t, not because I want the Knights Errant to fail, but I want to feel better about being too lazy to take on such a rigorous routine. That way I can say to myself, “Well, look at those other guys, and this program doesn’t seem to work for them.”)
In 2008, I’d like to gain 100 rating points, so I’m slapping together a non-stringent, non-specific program that I won’t follow after a month, so will likely end up in disappointment. On the plus side, other players who’ve played me seem to think the 100 points are possible (based on statements like “If you bothered learning any openings, you might actually be decent.” Well, it was put more diplomatically, but that’s what the guy meant.). It will take some effort to get that improvement, including the actually learning openings part. *blanches*
So here is my 5-part plan:
- Tactics. Do chesstempo.com occasionally. That way, I can pretend I’m doing as much as the Knights Errant to improve my tactics.
- Play over master games. Reshevsky’s “The Art of Positional Play” will work. Dinosaur notation, w00t! (1. P-K4 P-QB4…)
- Actually play.
- Learn an opening for each color. *blanches* They* say the concepts of the King’s Indian Attack are easy to learn, so I’ll start with that one (plus I kinda started before stopping tournament play in March). But they say it’s not powerful at higher levels. *blanches* And maybe Basman’s Defense (1. … g5) for Black…
- Exercise. Gotta increase endurance for long games. And who knows, maybe I’ll be able to almost-dunk on a 9 1/2 foot rim again.
October 4th, 2007
11 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Chess
