Hey, guys! Were you one of those losers who forgot to give your girl something for Valentine’s? No sweat; I’m here to save your bacon.

First, you need to get a piece of cardboard and fold it in half. Or you can use a postcard.

Print out this first one. Then stick it on the front of the cardboard or postcard. You should use scotch tape instead of duct tape so it looks better. You could use glue, except the paper will crinkle up.

Then put this next one on the back or inside (depending on your style of card).

Your girl will be so impressed, she’ll forget you didn’t get her a real present!

In honor of Polly’s Wacky Wednesdays, here is my most humiliating loss on record.

Known as Basman’s Defense, the Reverse Grob, or the Borg (Grob spelled backwards, get it?), 1. e4 g5 is not used in serious play. For a while, I was entranced with this opening, seeing if I could make it work at the class level of play. The concept is to have a ready-made “spike” against a King castled Kingside, although the intent is made obvious way too soon.

This was my final attempt at using the Borg. The second move should be h6, but I forgot.

I haven’t tried this opening since, not even for fun.