Yo. This is Mr. E, and this is Mr. E’s first post. Now I’m not so experienced with the blog thing, so cut me some slack.

I’m going to be talking about O.J. Simpson. I pity the tool. Not necessarily because he just got convicted of armed robbery. And not necessarily because he’s not going to be in the next Naked Gun sequel. It’s this:

His “Juiced” video. It’s like Candid Camera, except worse. He tried to Be Somebody, but just ended up being somebody’s tool.

Here’s O.J. in whiteface:

So. Don’t be like O.J.

They probably could have designed this a little differently.

First, I should blame my parents for indirectly instilling the urge to undertake this: my dad for having me help with gardening growing up and my mom for making me more aware of the stuff I put in my body.

This weekend, I started what will be dubbed “The Fail Garden” (cf. the Victory Gardens of the World Wars). Primarily, this is due to my lack of expertise and I fully expect most of the plants to produce little to nothing.

I live in an apartment without a yard, but have the great advantage of having windows with a southern exposure. This makes an indoor vegetable garden a more plausible endeavor.

Empty milk jugs make for perfect plant containers if you don’t mind looking cheap.

As far as what to plant? I needed to plant stuff that could conceivably grow–and at the same time stuff I actually use. Some good candidates, like beets and radishes, I simply don’t eat enough to really want to grow.

I decided to go with 3 herbs (basil, cilantro, and spearmint) and 4 veggies (lettuce, spinach, carrots, green onions). Should have thought of tomatoes, too.

Mushrooms I cook with a lot, but as I try to go light on the A/C, the place is too warm for their optimal growth. Maybe this winter.

The tall one’s for the carrots

OK, so I’m already bored of writing this. To make a long story short, I had to go to three places before finding seeds filled up the pots and got everything sowed.

With the cilantro, I bought one of those “Herbs for Noobs” type packages where they pretty much have everything in one package; you just add water and you’re good to go.

Expectations are low: I expect the cilantro, one of the other 4 pots of herbs, and maybe one of the 7 pots of vegetables to make it.

The seeds I used, plus the herbs for noobs package

Water, feed, and hope

As Donnie was too lazy to get better fortune cookies, he gave me permission to use the Monday Fighter! platform to revive my flagging presidential campaign.

“Change” seems to be the major theme and I haven’t taken advantage. So here’s my new poster:

Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this after drinking so much rum.

Congratulations to Manuel Uribe, who we enjoy making fun of on this website greatly admire for his persistence on his weight loss quest. He’s dropped from 1,238 lbs to 700 lbs and is getting married October 26:

And as for the music being played at the wedding? To be provided by a band named “Pesado” (means “heavy” in Spanish).

Source: Former world’s fattest man to marry his fiancee

Eggs, as well as humans, have a strong sense of justice. If you don’t know much about me yet, the last place I applied to before working at LEP was Malt-O-Meal.

People have been getting sick off their weak brand of cereal, contaminated with salmonella. They had to recall a bunch of it.

Serves them right. Oh, right, and I had nothing to do with the salmonella outbreak, of course. I don’t need more trouble. The coppers have been watching me too closely.