LEP pays tribute to Michael Jackson

: Michael Jackson will be remembered as a great singer and an oddball. In his defense, this is not unusual. In fact, there may be some sort of correlation which can be proved scientifically.

: Some of us will remember MJ fondly. I will remember him fondling. As children run out of Neverland shouting “I’m free, I’m free!”, there’s one thing about Michael Jackson’s passing that will always stick with me. It must have been a real thriller trying to keep him alive in the hospital.

As a side note, if you’re not white now, don’t become white. Trust me, it’s not that healthy.

: Uh. I didn’t listen to his music. But that moonwalk thing was cool. Wish I could do that.

The spin

Lynx Air is a regional airline servicing the Bahamas from Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport (FLL). Recently, they announced they would be moving from the main airport to a private terminal.

“The move to the Sheltair terminal will offer our customers more check-in space and less crowded conditions”, according to Lynx’s reservations manager.

Conveniently left unmentioned was that Lynx owed FLL $33,000, and was evicted by the Broward County Commission.

Sources: Lynx Air changing locations at Fort Lauderdale airport

Lynx Air must leave airport terminal, but will continue local operations

Exclamation point phobia

if ( CurrentCity == LastCity)

else NewCities.Add( CurrentCity );

We can graciously assume there was originally code in the “if” portion, and the programmer that deleted it was too lazy/harried to make it look normal.

Or it was a certain former employee whose name shall not be revealed.

How to save the USCF

We all know the USCF is in a signficant pile of legal and political doo-doo. I propose implementing the following course of action, which will strengthen U.S. chess for years to come. But only if we, the members, have the force of will to get it done.

1. Get rid of the current USCF board, and nullify this year’s election. Replace the board with the people noted above.

2. All major tournaments will supply two free pints of beer, per person, per diem. In order to preserve the USCF’s reputation, the beer supplied must not be Milwaukee’s Best.

3. If a major tournament has too high a percentage of old white guys, chess babes will be deployed to improve the average attractiveness level.

4. Chess Life will be reduced to a quarterly publication to save costs. Chess Enquirer will be the new flagship chess magazine (distributed monthly).

5-8. Some other stuff I forgot.

(In the picture, Left to right: Egg Fu Yung, The Mascot, Mr. E, Suzie Yolkar, The Fake Fake Real Sam Sloan. Also pictured, beer and chess babes.)