Health care and hyperbole

So the government wants to provide universal health care, and all of a sudden, we’re going to turn into the USSR.

News flash: all advanced countries combine elements of capitalism and socialism. Yes, even the USA (see Social Security, Medicare, etc.) But based the Right’s histrionics, you’d think they’d just voted on rescinding The Bill of Rights.

Look, I’m not smart or knowledgeable enough to know all the effects of this bill. I honestly don’t have a strong opinion on whether it will be a net positive. But I am smart enough to know this health care bill will neither turn the US communist…nor is a panacea for all our ills.

Presumably this ad is supposed to make John McCain “look” evil, but this guy JD Hayworth is much more frightening.

JD Hayworth

More Eggony

So, a new version of Eggony is up, with new levels and a few improvements.

This has actually been done for quite a while, and there are a few bugs…but I don’t really have time to work on it, so might as well put it up. (And there are four more levels to go before the game is actually finished. Bleh!)

Please note the fire key is now the space bar instead of F.

One of the interesting things about designing the levels was figuring out how to present different, unique scenarios to the player. If you think about it (and this is the case for many games), the player is doing the same type of thing over and over. With Eggony, you are just moving around, pressing the space bar and maybe using specials once in a while.

It’s easier in the beginning to differentiate between the levels, but it’s going to get harder as I use up ideas. I’ll have to try to trick you into thinking Level 8 is as novel as Level 3.

March Madness

If, at the beginning of the college basketball season, you had told me that Baylor would be a 3 seed, while UConn and North Carolina would not even make the NCAA tournament, I’d ask what sort of alternate universe you came from.

Apparently, we are now part of this alternate universe.

(By the way — and I’m saying this as a Baylor alum — the Bears were seeded too high…they are more like a 5 seed.)

Once again this year, I have a Liquid Egg Product Tournament Bracket“>Liquid Egg Product bracket setup on ESPN. As the number of regular readers has steadily decreased over the past couple years, it should be easier for you to win this year.

As usual, there are no prizes for winning. No media interviews. No glory. Well, maybe a little glory.

Liquid Egg Product Tournament Bracket

Great moments in history

general custer

So this guy General Custer gets all the blame for getting his butt kicked by Indians. But historians tend to ignore the brilliant Indian strategy that disabled Custer’s army.

You see, while the US Army dressed in full uniforms, the Native Americans wore loincloths that showed off their lean, muscular bodies. As the sweat glistened off the Indians’ perfectly formed pecs, Custer’s soldiers realized how homoerotic the battle would look in a movie. The Indians closed in on the nervous US army. Custer’s troops shifted uncomfortably as the definition of their enemies’ toned, taut thighs became more obvious.

The soldiers couldn’t stop focusing on the Indians’ chiseled six-packs, and were completely incapable of firing their weapons. The discomfiture of the US troops led to their annihilation (see General Custer’s death in the picture)

Over 100 years later, the US Army took a page from the Native Americans’ playbook. In 1991, just before the war over Kuwait, the US sent the entire Iraqi army a copy of the movie Top Gun. The conservative Iraqi troops were so disturbed by the latent homoeroticism in the movie, they completely lost cohesiveness as a fighting force.

Breast milk happens to be a useful tool

If you’re like most people, you’ve probably thought to yourself, “Hey, I wonder when Liquid Egg Product is going to get us some good breast milk stories.” Well, today’s your lucky day…

Breast milk can be used as a cheese: The couple has further plans to create a gelato.

Breast milk can repel the opposite gender: And considering the number of caddish males, this could prove rather useful.

Breast milk can be used as a weapon: This is probably how Saddam Hussein was planning to use biological weapons

Breast milk can earn you a pink slip: We give cow’s milk to babies. Is a baby accidentally getting another mother’s milk really that frightening?


Compared to most Americans, I’m pretty sanguine when it comes to minor inconveniences. Like being assigned a center seat on an airplane. There are a couple thoughts that run through my mind when this happens:

1. My chances are doubled I’ll sit next to a cute, single girl. (And after my two prior failures following up with girls I’ve gotten numbers for, it stands to reason the third time will be the charm.)

2. My chances are doubled I’ll sit next to someone who needs to take some of my seat space.*

This time around, my neighbors were a portly old man and an old woman playing sudoku. Neither had to use any of my seat space.

I suppose we can call that a draw.

* I don’t put very much blame on the airlines or the big and tall for seat overflow situations, but that’s a discussion for another time.