The Missing Beatitudes

“And seeing the multitudes, he went up into the mountain: and when he had sat down, his disciples came unto him:

And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying,

Blessed are the televangelists, for their congregations shall help them lay up treasures on Earth.

Blessed are those who complain about being persecuted, because my followers shouldn’t have to deal with that sort of thing.

Blessed are the rich, for they shall be able to give a fraction of their income to charity and still live in luxury.

Blessed are the strong, for they shall be able to kick some Islam and Chinese arse.

Blessed are those who are politically active in my name, because they know I would have been part of their political party.” — America 5:1-7