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"When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you can head off your foe with a balanced attack."
-- The Sphinx, "Mystery Men"

American Gladiators

Crush, Fury, Hellga, Justice, Mayhem, Militia, Siren, Stealth, Titan, Toa, Venom, and Wolf.

I defy you to sort out the male and female gladiators from that list of names (hint: it’s split 50/50). Despite the current information on Wikipedia, there is no gladiator named “Hand Job” (archived in this image; someone probably changed it by now).

Last night, I watched the last half-hour of the revival of American Gladiators. No, there’s no lions. No swordfights. No emperors giving a thumbs-down.* Very little blood.**

Instead it’s some everyday people competing in these athletic events, some events utilize the Gladiators as some sort of obstacle. The contestants get money if they win, I think. (It’s worth noting that the female gladiators are more muscular than me. I don’t know whether that reflects worse on them or me.)

It was interesting to watch, and will probably catch it again tonight, but it would help if Hulk Hogan didn’t keep calling everyone “Brother”, as frequently as twice a sentence. I did not catch whether he invoked this trademark word on any female contestants.

* This was probably a myth anyway.

** One of the contestants smashed her forehead against a steel pipe in the elimination event, leading to a little bit of bleeding. She lost.

January 7th, 2008 5 comments
Posted by Donnie Filed under Entertainment

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5 Comments »

  1. AG rocks!

    FWIW, I’m waiting for American Couchiators to try out for.

    Comment by gorckat | 7 January 2008

  2. LOL. The new AG seems not to have gotten rave reviews, so maybe that’s something they’ll look into.

    Comment by Donnie | 8 January 2008

  3. i caught a few minutes of it, when the skateboarder talked about how his “profession” gave him more practical experience running from the cops. then he fell off the bridge, hulk hogan started talking, and i changed the channel.

    they need to bring back battle of the network stars!

    Comment by chessloser | 8 January 2008

  4. Eh. I saw you today. You’re kinda buff now. Maaaybe not as buff as some of the ladies but I bet you are faster not having to haul around all that bulk.

    I think reality TV and the writers strike are two Godsends. I now read more and take my dog for longer walks.

    Comment by annie | 9 January 2008

  5. @chessloser: hulk hogan started talking, and i changed the channel.

    Good timing. I wish I’d seen the skateboarder.

    @annie: You’re kinda buff now.
    Coulda fooled me.

    I now read more and take my dog for longer walks.
    Good for you! Your talk about exercising inspired me to be more consistent about it. So I maybe have obtained some minor buffness in the last month.

    Comment by Donnie | 9 January 2008

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