I knew I should have been suspicious of Donnie’s new girlfriend. Not only has he stopped blogging, but the top-secret ESN (Espionage Spy Network) has caught them in the most heinous criminal activity.

My suspicions were confirmed recently when Katrushka (that’s that so-called “girlfriend”, more like “girlfiend”) suggested eating boiled eggs on their picnic. Donnie, who should know better, was all like “OK, dear”, probably he wanted to get in her pants instead of sticking to moral principles.

The ESN captured the following pictures of their wanton, abject cruelty (WARNING: these images are disturbing, violent, and heartbreaking)

The World Court at the Yolkgue has already ordered their arrest on charges of “Eggnic Cleansing”. If you see them, please beat them up and capture them until the Eggish Police and the Cyber Police can drag their sorry butts to court. Thank you.

Even though my Mascot ’08 presidential campaign was a complete failure, that doesn’t mean I’ve lost interest in politics.

A while back, we took an in-depth look into Elena Kagan, and I was able to determine she was a viable Supreme Court candidate due to her assets.

I was trying to do similar research into the Tea Party darling, Christine O’Donnell. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find a, er, complete overview, maybe because she has cankles.

But I don’t want to jump to conclusions. If any of you Dear Readers do manage to find any Christine O’Donnell leg shots, just let me know. Because I have nothing but the utmost respect for females in power.

: Hey, Donnie, I have a question. About human males.

: OK…

: What percentage of guys would have sex with Nancy Pelosi just to say they boned someone famous?

: Um. Probably more than would actually admit it.

: What about you?

: No.

: Your goatee looks kinda dumb, to be honest.

: Yeah, thanks.

This took me under an hour, so I don’t need reinforcement that it sucks. Here’s the story in case you can’t view the Flash:

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful maiden named Snow White.

The old King wanted to marry her, but she said no.

Snow White ran away into the forest. There, she found three Eggs living in a cabin.

She told them her story and they let her stay.

But the King was mad. He went into the forest to try to catch her.

The three Eggs were ready. They shot lightning bolts using their minds to kill the King.

The next morning, they used his remains plus some leftover chicken for breakfast, creating the first known “Chicken a la King”.

Snow White was so smitten by the heroic and handsome Eggs, she became a polygamist and married all three of them.

So everyone lived happily ever. Especially the Crown Prince, who was relieved to inherit the crown without the guilt of having to personally off his father.

I think Quaker Oats is ashamed they hitched their star to Cap’n Crunch. But the public clamored for more transparency about this so-called “icon”, and we got this:

4’11″ and 102 lbs. (150 cm and 46 kg) Seriously? That guy is a wimp! I could completely kick his butt in a fight. Not to mention in “dueling”, don’t they use guns and possibly kill their opponents? Not the best example for kids.

So, I don’t see why he gets to have his own cereal, and I don’t.

A source says LeBron James will announce his retirement in his one hour special on ESPN tonight.

Frankly, he’s sick of this basketball garbage and all of y’all.

Hey, people, take a look at the best clock in the world: bijin-tokei.

Would Elena Kagan be the hottest Supreme Court justice ever? Get a load of her legs:

It seems to me that the primary objection to her being a Supreme Court justice would be that she’d be distracting to the male judges. But they’re pretty old, so it’s not like they’d be able to see. And even if they could see, they’re probably out of testosterone. So, I don’t think there’s a problem.

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Check out Reassembler’s new banner. See, THIS is how you get people to start reading your blog.

Many bloggers are changing their look, and we’re going to do that too. Mr. E and I have been working hard, submitting great ideas and pictures to Donnie, but he’s too lazy to work on it. Just so you guys know whose fault it is.