I continue to bow before the will of the people

Since at least one or two of you demanded it, I’ve posted my bio. Hope you’re happy now-.

January 23rd, 2008 5 comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under Uncategorized

Great Moments In History

Philip II of Macedon was the dad of Alexander the Great (how anyone who drunk himself to death by 33 can be considered “great” is a discussion for another day).

There was a wedding in Aegea (that’s the ancient capital of Macedonia) and the king sauntered out unprotected for some sort of diplomatic reasons. That’s when one of his bodyguards killed him, who in turn, got his butt kicked by three of the other bodyguards. I’m not entirely clear on how there were bodyguards but King Philip was unprotected. But you know I got this stuff right, ’cause it’s in Wikipedia.

And sorry Wahrheit, you know I have great respect for you and you have great respect for me, but I couldn’t do the re-enactment you suggested. It’s blasted difficult to sneak atomic bombs by those guards. I’ve got to find a nuclear weapons facility that uses those Wackenhut guys. Maybe next week.

January 23rd, 2008 19 comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under History

Left-handed? Play Guitar Hero?

Some people mention problems. Some eggs find solutions.

What happened is that this: Reassembler blabbed about how righties could play Guitar Hero left-handed to stimulate their brains, or some such nonsense. Which lead to a whole bunch of lefties stumbling onto his site looking for left-hand Guitar Hero controllers. Of course, they can’t find what they’re looking for.

Then Donnie recommended Derek create a post that tells everyone where to find one of those lefty controllers. So of course, Derek sloughs the work off on Donnie, who’s probably too lazy to do it.

That means it’s up to me. And based on extensive research I’ve found…

…you’re out of luck. If you want to spend a weekend soldering and stuff, you can make your own, or there’s a lefty option in the game but I dunno how much that helps. It’s too bad you weren’t born normal.

EDIT: Derek, you now have your infinite loop.

January 22nd, 2008 10 comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under Gaming

Great Moments in History

Someone suggested I re-enact great moments in history…so on some Mondays I’ll present a Great Moment in History.

Julius Caesar got assassinated for something or the other. And Caesar probably didn’t really say “Et tu, Brute?”; that was some drama Shakespeare added. But still, it gets the point across. Julius didn’t die of pneumonia, or slipping on some ice (that was Dr. Atkins).

If there’s one lesson you can take from this is don’t try to become the emperor of Rome.

January 14th, 2008 10 comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under History

What’s in a name?

See, there’s this race car driver. His name is Dick Trickle.

Is there anybody who has/had a name that generates more uncomfortability? Discuss.

January 4th, 2008 9 comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under Uncomfortability

Research

If you’ve been wondering why you haven’t seen me at your local night club picking up ladies, it’s because I’ve been doing some research for the website (see picture, above).

After painstaking labor, I was able to ascertain that Liquid Egg Product is the 2,182,289th best website in the world. It would have cracked 2 millionth place if I were featured more frequently, more like 90% of the time.

And it would help if I got a raise, too.

Today is the last day to cast your vote for the 2007 Liquid Egg Product on the Face Award. Although everyone who was going to vote has done so already, I think. And the winner is an almost-certainty. Even so.

December 18th, 2007 13 comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under Blog News, Science/Technology

The things I do for my the readers…

If this photo makes no sense to you, read this joker’s comment.

It was a real pain in the butt to get permission from the Egyptian government to use the inside of a pyramid for this pic. I was going to hire a couple of chicks to dress in skimpy ancient Egyptian clothing and fan me with those feather fans, but the plane ticket was so expensive I didn’t have enough money left. I hope you’re happy.

December 9th, 2007 11 comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under Uncategorized

N00bs.

Hi, it’s the Mascot. I don’t know why I gotta do this, but I’m supposed to.

There are these 3 noobler chess blogs. They’re about chess. Just so you know. I think they’re boring, but I’m supposed to tell you chess people to check them out. Or something. I’m going to take a nap.

Gorckat, Drunknknight, and Chessaholic

December 6th, 2007 9 comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under Blog News, Chess

Ruined!

Um…remember how I’m running for president? Well, now there’s a big question mark hanging around the campaign (see poster, below).

Check out this video, and see why my presidential run may not be such a great idea…

Chuck Norris is endorsing Mike Huckabee as president! And it doesn’t even matter how bad their commericals are! So what does that have to do with me?

Everything! Isn’t is obvious? Huckabee is going to get Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick all the other candidates who dare oppose him! It may be illegal, but who’s going to arrest him, the SWAT team? They’ll pee their pants when they see their guns are ineffective against Chuck Norris’ bulletproof beard!

So…I’m seriously thinking about bowing out. I don’t need a kick to the shell ruining my perfect complexion.

December 6th, 2007 11 comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under Mascot for President

I love guest blogging

[Note: The Mascot is filling in while I'm away for the weekend. If he becomes overly stupid or offensive, let me know on Monday so I can kick his shell.]

This weekend, I finally got to show off my complete manliness and cuteness. That’s a win-win for everyone. And I was just checking for any e-mails, and…

Wait, how’d this get thrown into the Junk E-mail folder? “Hop inside and find yourself a horny little …. buddy. Looking to meet up with the local bar slut?” Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! Let me just click on this link, and–

Oh, crap, he just stepped through the door. Gotta go!

October 7th, 2007 no comments
Posted by The Mascot Filed under Babes & Alleged Babes