Famous rivalries abound in both fantasy and reality. Batman vs. Joker. Ryu vs. Ken. Lakers vs. Celtics.

Yeah, yeah. Been there, seen those.

I’m going to make up some new rivalries and pretend someone will actually care about the outcome. First up: Mayor McCheese vs. Captain Hindsight

Scenario: Mayor McCheese wanders aimlessly throughout the slums of McDonaldland (the parts McDonald’s doesn’t show on TV, obviously). Marginalized since the 80’s, the Mayor bitterly contemplates his ruined life, trembling with envy and fury, knowing That Clown still has a place in the hearts of children.

Suddenly, the Mayor looks up at a moving spot in the sky. As it approaches, McCheese’s heart starts to grow with renewed hope…it’s Captain Hindsight, undoubtedly here to help get his job back.

Mayor McCheese: Captain Hindsight, I’m so glad you’re here! I’ve been fired by McDonald’s and need your help!
Captain Hindsight: Hmmm. Well, first, you shouldn’t have been a ripoff of H.R. Pufnstuf. That way, your employer couldn’t have been sued. Also, you should have been more charismatic and less of a bumbling idiot. That way, the kids would still love you and you’d be too valuable to McDonald’s to fire. Well, my job is done here!
Mayor McCheese: No.
Captain Hindsight: What?
Mayor McCheese: You crush hopes. You crush dreams. Instead of telling me something useful, you tell me what I should have done 30 years ago. Captain Hindsight, my soul is the last you will crush. Know that I am Mayor McCheese, and you will not escape alive.

Mayor McCheese

Captain Hindsight

Who wins in this battle of sworn archenemies?

Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.

11 thoughts on “Battle Royale: Mayor McCheese vs. Captain Hindsight

  1. Captain Hindsight can use his powers after he gets his ass handed back to him by Mayor McCheese. Extrordinary hindsight will do nothing for you in the present.

  2. On an unrelated note what is healthier? Roasted sweet potatoe or whole wheat multigrain bread? Carrots are cheap but could they be a substitute for potatoes?

  3. @Katrushka: That and Qaddafi Fried Chicken are on their way eventually…

    @Mascot: So…when’s your court date?

    @Q: Mayor McCheese is about 40 years old. At least McDonald’s keeps well.

    I would give the nod to roasted sweet potatoe being healthier. But that’s only because a lot of “whole wheat” breads don’t actually have that much whole wheat. If it’s a true 100% whole wheat bread, it might be closer to even.

    @Allen: Hahaha. “I should have used my ability to fly as an advantage instead of engaging you in a ground battle.”

    @Derek: +1

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