When I was 5, I never even thought about getting to 10.
When I was 10, 15 was inconceivably distant.
When I was 15, 20 represented a new era.
When I was 20, 25 was a modest journey.
When I was 25, 29 was right around the corner.
When I was 29, it didn’t matter. I’d get to 290 because I bought a pair of Alex Chiu’s immortality rings.
(Yes, I’m finally preparing to do that interview with him. And I really just bought a pair.)
July 23rd, 2008
5 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Snake Oil
1,000 thanks to Joe Lee of ROTK for this find: “You know you start to wonder what the age of the biochem researchers demographic is when they start releasing ads like this.”: It’s called EpMotion

July 11th, 2008
6 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Babes & Alleged Babes, Bad Ads, Burning Agony, Patently Ineffective, Science/Technology, Uncomfortability, Weaksauce Losers
Er, last time I said pairing would be out June 1. Sorry. It’ll be June 8.
I already regret doing this poster (click for big size). It’s late; I hope everyone’s name is spelled right. If you want in, let me know before Sunday. (More info here.)

June 4th, 2008
18 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Bad Ads, Chess, Tournament of Lepers
Whoa! My partner’s bi? Maybe that’s why she wanted me to go on the Jerry Springer show with her…

The employees of Akron-Canton airport are incredibly skilled in kung fu, significantly reducing the chances of terrorist activity.

April 3rd, 2008
10 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Bad Ads

At least the word “Sale” looks nice, and it’s just some local guy scrawling on a chalkboard so maybe the misspelling’s not too surprising.
U-Haul used to have on the side of their trucks the name of a state with a relevant mural. They were attractive and it was always nice seeing another U-Haul with state art that I hadn’t seen before. They’ve started to get rid of the paintings and replace them with an insipid, unremarkable $19.95 per day message. It’s bad enough they eliminated the creativity, but the spelling error is inexcusable…

February 29th, 2008
9 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Bad Ads

Never mind that it’s kinda freaky that somehow this company was able to figure out who I am, then ascertain who my acquaintances are. Out of all my friends, these people have determined that ONE of them likes me.
This is not very comforting. (Incidentally, I wonder which one of you it is.)
February 8th, 2008
5 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Bad Ads
Have you seen eHarmony.com’s TV spots? They show a bunch of couples, but
1. No interracial couples.
2. Only whites and blacks, and the blacks all pass the paper bag test.
Feel free to contradict if you’ve seen otherwise.
February 2nd, 2008
9 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Bad Ads
Over the weekend, I did some thinking and I just needed to face facts: as much as I enjoy you guys fawning over me, I’m just not making enough money. So now I’m working on becoming the official spokesman for the new “diet” company on the market, Mass Managers™! (Their slogan is “Stop Dieting. Start Losing.”; it’s not really a diet, it teaches you how to eat.)

Don’t worry; I’ll still be here, it’s not like Mass Managers™ is a full-time job– it’s mainly posing with weights, smiling bigger in the “after” picture, and tricking people into thinking that Mass Managers™ changed my entire life around. The good thing is that they don’t even make me put on make-up because my face is already perfect.
(Note from Donnie: I’m not really awake right now. Thanks for your understanding.)
January 29th, 2008
14 comments
Posted by Liquid E. P. Mascot
Filed under Bad Ads
If you choose the right expert’s picks to bet on, you’ll win money this weekend! (Maybe.)
|
 Donnie |
 The Mascot |
Wahrheit |
Seattle (+8) vs Green Bay |
Green Bay |
Green Bay |
Green Bay |
Jacksonville (+11.5) vs New England |
Jacksonville |
New England |
New England |
San Diego (+9) vs Indianapolis |
San Diego |
Indianapolis |
Indianapolis |
New York (+7.5) vs Dallas |
New York |
Dallas |
New York |
| Record so far |
2-2 |
1-3 |
4-0 |
January 10th, 2008
6 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Snake Oil, Sports
|
 Donnie |
 The Mascot |
Washington (+4) vs Seattle |
Seattle |
Washington |
Jacksonville (-1) vs Pittsburgh |
Jacksonville |
Pittsburgh |
New York (+3) vs Tampa Bay |
Tampa Bay |
Tampa Bay |
Tennessee (+9) vs San Diego |
Tennessee |
San Diego |
| Record |
2-2 |
1-3 |
I am so glad I don’t bet on sports.
Speak for yourself.
Wahrheit went 4-0.
I still can’t believe you told people we could win them money last week. Now everyone can see you can’t make good judgments. You’re the kind of guy that would choose Velma over Daphne. We can’t trust someone like that.
Whuh? You mean from Scooby Doo?
Yar, if someone asked you which one you’d rather date, and for normal people (ie, not you) Velma’s just too, well, ugly.
Look, this blog is weird enough without getting into conversations about which cartoon characters are cuter.
I like that Esurance chick.
OK, fine! You’re a cartoon, it makes sense for you! It doesn’t for me!
*Sigh* I guess you’re going to want my picks for next week?
By tomorrow night, if you can.
As long as you don’t lord it over me if I go 0-4 next week.
Sure thing.
You really wouldn’t choose Velma, would you?
Er…yeah…probably I would.
Seriously? *Blanches* OK, that makes things easy…my picks for next week are the opposite of yours.
January 7th, 2008
6 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Babes & Alleged Babes, Snake Oil, Sports