I was looking through Donnie’s copies of Chess Life, and they were pretty boring. That’s probably because the publishers were suppressing all the juicy stuff. So maybe I’m going to publish a chess magazine of my own, if it doesn’t take too much work.
First, thanking the “sponsors”
Allen, for offering a $5 McDonald’s gift card to anyone who finishes with either perfect or 0 score.
Tacticus has offered to post games from the tournament using his software in development (it’s actually rather impressive) chessflash.com. We’ll be able to upload PGN files–there’s more stuff on his page about it.
Tournament Format
The first tournament was a 9-week marathon. As a few people mentioned (and I agree), it was simply too long. This time, I want to cap it to six weeks at most.
A few ideas were to do two smaller round robins, a Swiss, or just truncate a full round robin schedule. I kinda like the first, but it may not work well with an odd number of players since people will be playing different numbers of games. Your thoughts are welcome.
Er, last time I said pairing would be out June 1. Sorry. It’ll be June 8.
I already regret doing this poster (click for big size). It’s late; I hope everyone’s name is spelled right. If you want in, let me know before Sunday. (More info here.)
Last week, while going to the supermarket, I stumbled upon one of those blood donation vans. There was some portly dude in shades trying to lure me with Marlins tickets into handing over my hard-earned blood. Being overdue for a donation, I let him pretend he was a good salesman and agreed to enter the van.
One of the blood-taker girls was about to leave for the day when she asked to look at my veins. Nodding and “mmm-hmm”ing like she had her choice of men at La Bare, she asked my blood type (O+). She was extra-satisfied at this response, knowing that most people can receive O+ blood.
I think she was a vampire.
They asked me to do a double red blood cell collection, which takes longer and makes me ineligible to donate in four months rather than two. I agreed, and they were kind enough to give my plasma and platelets back.
I was actually slightly light-headed afterwards, which is unusual. And will probably affect me breaking a 13-minute mile in the near future. But it saved someone’s life, and I got two free Marlins tickets and an apple juice.
I fail at chess.
Two Wednesdays ago, I played a USCF-rated game for the first time in months. I managed only a draw against a 3rd grader, rated 1180. (Grats to him; no one below 1300 has managed a draw against me before.) He vaguely resembled me as a kid and used a MonRoi, which completely threw me off psychologically. At least that’s the best excuse I could come up with.
He seemed about as tactically aware as I was, and was really eager to exchange off his Knight for a Bishop. He never generated any real threats, but I wasn’t good enough to hurt him. Need to post this game later.
US court rules that American paper money discriminates against the blind.
Garry Kasparov interrupted by flying penis (Great find, Tom P!)
If you try to pay the convenience store clerk with marijuana, make sure the person behind you in line isn’t a copper.
A Hungarian student hires the Mascot and his eggish thugs to attack Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.
The pairings will be announced on June 1, so that it’s after the Memorial Day weekend and gives the people at Squirrel Chess a chance to get back from traveling.
For the uninitiated, this an online chess tournament where chess bloggers show off their epeen. Or not; the amount of trash talk has been sorely deficient. We play one 15/30 game a week, and you get a chance to win your way to a $5 McDonald’s gift card. (Or lose your way to it, that works too.) So grab yourself an FICS account, let me know your handle, and you’re in.
There’s been some sort of nerdy chess player dust-up on some chick named Vicary’s blog. FIDE Master Jon Jacobs had the following to say:
They and their blogs carry colorful handles like Liquid Egg Product, blunderprone, Wahrheit, and even Man de la Maza….Less politely, they could be described as a “cult”…
Fellow bloggers, including BDK, Wahrheit, and chessloser went to bat for me, indicating that I am not part of the de la Maza cult.
Unfortunately, Mr. Jacobs is closer to the mark than I’ve been letting on.
You see, last December the Mascot converted to Mazaism, and we helped him build a dark temple in his basement so he could worship the requisite three times a day. (Worship sessions consist of constant repetition of the phrase “de la Maza is teh bomb” while moving around in circles. It’s not my cup of tea, but whatever.)
A couple months ago, FM Jon Jacobs snuck into the Mascot’s basement, snapped some photographs, and threatened to release them to the world if we at Liquid Egg Product didn’t pay up. Even though we’ve been FAITHFULLY paying the hush money every week, he went ahead and PUBLICLY outed this site yesterday.
We’ve stopped the payments, and are looking into ways we can legally recover the blackmail money.
No, the Mascot’s Dark Temple is not available for tours. Sorry.
Yes, there will be a second one. Consider this a place to sign-up. If you didn’t participate last time, let me know your FICS handle as well.
Depending on how many people participate, the format may change. Last time was a round-robin, but there weren’t that many people involved. If participation warrants, there may be a couple sections based on strength. Perhaps even West and East circuits, if there are enough interested Eastern hemisphere residents (or Western hemisphere residents running on East time). But we’ll see about that.
EDIT: Expected start date week of May 18 June 1.
Quick FAQ for those few of you who have no clue what’s going on:
What’s this about?
The Tournament of Lepers is an on-line chess tournament played via FICS, primarily involving those in the chess blogging world. It’s very casual, with one game a week and a time control of 15/30. It’s more an excuse to “meet” your fellow chess bloggers.
How do I enter?
Leave a comment here, e-mail, or on the forum.
Are there any requirements?
You must have an FICS handle (it’s free; visit freechess.org to sign up).
Also, there are no set times for the games–the participants are responsible for setting up a convenient time each week. Most players are from the US, so keep that in mind if you’re not living in the Western hemisphere.
I’m flexible about games being played late as long as I’m kept in the loop.
How much dough does the winner get?
Nothing promised. Allen does offer a $5 McDonald’s gift card for anyone with either an unblemished or completely blemished record. I’ll come up with some sort of prize for the winner. Last winner, drunknknite, received a USCF gift certificate and a chance to cameo in a movie with the Mascot. (He didn’t seem to enthusiastic about the movie, though, probably because it will never get done.)
First of all, thank you for your contributions yesterday on how to handle unwanted suitors and stories of unrequited gay love.
Catching up on other chess blogs, I was struck by an observation: most of them are trying to get better at chess.
Yes, I enjoy the game and want to be good. I have a (fairly) competitive spirit. But the amount of time I dedicate to chess improvement has been close to nil for a long time.
I started competitive chess in 1998, playing until 2000, when I took 5 years off before jumping back in. Several months were (relatively) hardcore, actually playing 40 or so rated games before tapering off again. Even then, almost all my time was spent playing; studying was relegated to when I was taking a dump in the lavatory.
Right now, I’m 1600-ish, the same as 10 years ago without putting effort into improvement. What would happen if I tried? Does the thought of “maybe there’s an Expert somewhere in here” motivate me enough to work?
More likely, the “I’m sufficiently skilled so most people can’t dismiss me; that’s good enough” win out (again).
As we gaze through the mists of history, we see the hand of inevitability as the course of weeks marched on.* Other bloggers met. Victorious victories. Embarrassing losses. Vanishing tournament participants.
Final Standings
dnk Pol Whr LEP Tac l3r Tom cl RR
1 drunknknite xxx 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 0.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 7.0
2 Polly 0.0 xxx 1.0 1.0 0.0 0.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 5.0
2 Wahrheit 0.0 0.0 xxx 1.0 1.0 0.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 5.0
2 Liquid Egg 0.0 0.0 0.0 xxx 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 5.0
2 Tacticus 0.0 1.0 0.0 0.0 xxx 1.0 1.0 1.0 1.0 5.0
6 l3rucewayne 1.0 1.0 1.0 0.0 0.0 xxx 0.0 0.0 1.0 4.0
7 Tom 0.0 0.0 0.0 0.0 0.0 1.0 xxx 1.0 0.0 2.0
8 chessloser 0.0 0.0 0.0 0.0 0.0 1.0 0.0 xxx --- 1.0
9 Rocky Rook 0.0 0.0 0.0 0.0 0.0 0.0 1.0 --- xxx 1.0
Nine of us slugged it out, and four of us poseurs demonstrated a semblence of strength in our four-way tie for second (placed in no particular order, BTW; I did no tie-breaks).
But drunknknite stands alone as the victor of the very first Tournament of Lepers in history. His name will now be known world-wide as a champion (technically, anyway–LEP has a single reader in countries like Australia and the Netherlands). Even the jokers of Wikipedia will not defame his name, when (if) the Tournament becomes significant enough for its own Wikipedia entry.
Only the heroics of l3rucewayne prevented him from earning the right to a McDonald’s Gift Card of Perfection.
And, drunknknite, as for your prize…due to the mysterious and abrupt departure of gorckat, the original prize–some random item that had a connection to Seirawan–is no longer in play. So you will be the proud recipient of a gift certificate for the USCF store. Valued at whatever’s left in my checking account (not that much). It’ll be arriving via e-mail.
The Mascot has also offered you one of his T-shirts or mugs (with the ability to customize), so I guess you can e-mail about that. He also left you this message of congratulations:
Hey, drunk! You weren’t perfect, but that’s OK. You know the old saying: “To err is human; perfection is eggish.” Anyway, you probably didn’t know this but I’m making a movie. Your victory in the Tournament of Lepers has earned you a great cameo spot! Check out this trailer, and let me know if you want me to stick your mug in there. Although there’s a chance you may be a dashing blonde already, so you won’t need to come in for filming.
….
Anyway, thanks to everyone who made this possible and helped out!
Wahrheit: For convincing me to go through with this and coming up with the time control.
gorckat: Offering what was going to be the main prize.
Allen: Offering a McDonald’s gift card for perfection.
And all the participants!
I forgot someone, probably! Sorry!
