So. I have to take back what I said about the Mets being better than the Marlins. They’re equally mediocre. Although, the Mets have a four time larger payroll than the Fish, so someone’s not getting their bang for the buck.

: Michael Jackson will be remembered as a great singer and an oddball. In his defense, this is not unusual. In fact, there may be some sort of correlation which can be proved scientifically.

: Some of us will remember MJ fondly. I will remember him fondling. As children run out of Neverland shouting “I’m free, I’m free!”, there’s one thing about Michael Jackson’s passing that will always stick with me. It must have been a real thriller trying to keep him alive in the hospital.

As a side note, if you’re not white now, don’t become white. Trust me, it’s not that healthy.

: Uh. I didn’t listen to his music. But that moonwalk thing was cool. Wish I could do that.

Next time a sentient train is trying to run you over, don’t bother stepping off the train track. Just keep chucking throwing stars at it until it blows up.

OK, so. It’s June. The Yankees are 1 game behind the Red Sox. And ESPN is asking whether you think the Yankees must beat the Red Sox tonight.

How can this possibly be a “must win”? Are the Yankees going to be eliminated from playoff contention? All of a sudden, they’re going to lose confidence and become a .500 team? It’s not like there are more than 90 games left in the season.

The most frightening part is that 44% say it’s a “must win”. I really hope they’re joking.

Hope you enjoyed June 11th’s Tour of Stupid.

Last time we talked about baseball, the Marlins were 11-1, looking really good. And then over the next 32 games, they went 8-24, while the Mets cleaned up their game. We have a better sense of how good the teams are.

So it looks like The Mets are be..bet…b..b.

Let me try that again.

The Mets are bet-t-t. The Mets are bet..ter than the Marlins.

Fortunately, I can take comfort in the fact I’m not a Washington Natinals fan:

1. Mention how Tiger Woods made some tough shot on a random hole (an eagle is even better).

2. Announce how many shots Tiger is off the pace.

3. Quietly slip in the leader’s name.

4. If there’s enough time, indicate how many shots Phil Mickelson is behind.

So Caucasian…

Maybe if Kevin Borseth were coaching the NBA instead of Michigan women’s basketball, he would have gotten the attention he deserved.

This could get me into trouble, but you guys deserve the truth.

I’ve been a professional hockey player in the NHL for a long time. Due to discrimination, I’ve been forced to wear a human disguise because the league thinks people aren’t ready to accept an eggish player yet.

The photo below is the engraving made on the Stanley Cup after I helped the Maple Leafs win a title in 1945:

By the way, if you noticed “ass man” by F.J. Selke’s entry, that was not his nickname, it was how “assistant manager” was abbreviated.

Source: The Stanley Cup Could Use an Editor

Hate bringing up 7-year-old stories as if they were new, but LEP tends to miss the boat on a lot of things.

Many American sports teams, colleges, and high schools use Native American mascots such as Braves, Seminoles, Aztecs, Chiefs, and (most controversially) Redskins. While most people don’t give a second thought to it, it’s a sore point for some.

A high school college intramural basketball team decided to protest a local high school team’s “Fightin’ Reds” mascot with the “Fightin’ Whities”, complete with the slogan “Every thang’s going to be all white.”

While the team did get some pub, it probably didn’t have quite the desired effect. Some criticized the Fightin’ Whities for stooping to the same level as those they were attacking.

Meanwhile, the white community wasn’t very offended. In fact, many simply thought the idea was hilariously wonderful and wanted their own Fightin’ Whities jersey.

Including this white guy. I think I’m buying a T-shirt.