“Pressed to name an economist who supports her plan to temporarily suspend the federal gas tax, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton said today that commuters, truck drivers and other gas customers know it would make a difference.”
This made me laugh.
“Crop-based biofuels are not part of the solution. They, in fact, add to the problem. Whether Al Gore has caught up with that, somebody ought to ask him.”
–Food Crisis Eclipsing Climate Change
“Everyone knows the president’s poll numbers are at historic lows, but if he is over in Lubbock, there is no place in this country that likes him.”
–The View From Gate 14
“At first the guy was blocking. But we kept on kicking and assaulting him. After he started bleeding, we stopped. They said: ‘Why are you stopping?’ So we had to keep on beating him. Then they gave us some pills - I’m not sure what they were, but after I took them I had this rage.”
–Confessions of a Zimbabwe torturer
“Israel has dismissed a conditional six-month truce proposed by Hamas, saying that it was a ruse to allow the Palestininan group to recover from losses after recent clashes with the Israeli military.”
–Israel rejects Hamas truce offer
“Dr Giles said fewer ejaculations may mean the carcinogens build up.”
–Masturbation ‘cuts cancer risk’ (So I had to throw a curveball in there somewhere, OK?)
Both Hillary and Obama have now called for Bush to at least consider boycotting the opening of the Olympics, being held in Beijing this year. (Beijing’s the capital of China; hopefully you knew that already…)
Most LEP readers are savvy enough to figure out that this move as much about setting up for the November election as any sort of moral stand. The Dem candidates have an easy way to “look tough” on foreign policy while not hurting their base.
But unless McCain grows out his hair, wears tie-dye suits, and talks about free love in the White House, he’s keeping the “tough guy” mantle until November.
This must be about influencing the 2% that will make the difference, because conservatives will only assume Clinton and Obama are phony. (And Obama looks worse, because he came up with the idea second.)
And if I were China, I’d say, “Thank for teaching us about human rights. *cough* Abu Ghreib *cough* We will take your potential boycott into consideration.” (Never mind that it’s apples and oranges; THAT incident is still a stinging barb.)
: Yesterday, it was the KCNA and now it’s the primary that never ends. Could you be more boring for your next post? Thanks.
The new Polish government is less open to the United States’ suggestion of placing a missile shield on its soil. Polish Prime Minster Donald Tusk is asking for a reward, military modernization, in exchange for allowing the American defense system to be set up in Poland. While the US wasn’t expecting that sort of pushback, officials admitted it was pretty smart of those guys to try to grab what they can.
Poland hasn’t bothered to upgrade its army since the Crimean War, so they still pretty much use cossacks, mounted cavalry units. An anonymous Bush administration official remarked, “No offense to the Poles–I mean, they’re great people who make a great sausage–but no wonder the Germans beat them in, like, two days in World War II.” Mr. Tusk has done nothing but agree, summarized by the direct statement, “To put it bluntly, cossacks aren’t that effective against aircraft.”
His attitude towards national defense is a stark contrast to the former administration of Jaroslaw Kaczynski, who believed that cossacks would be “good enough if our sovereignty is threatened, at least until the rest of NATO arrives. But the French don’t count.”
While Prime Minister Tusk can go ahead and say what he jolly well pleases, he risks the fury of the generals leftover from Mr. Kaczynski’s government. If the cossack units are eliminated, the army will have a significant problem with getting rid of the horses, causing no end of conflict with local chapters of PETA.
Russian president Vladimir Putin expressed dismay that the improved Polish armed forces will reduce the scope of his country’s “potential expansion”. He did concede, however, that such expansion wouldn’t be happening anyway until the Russian navy figured out how to stop sinking its own subs.
News on our friend Manuel Uribe has been more sparse recently. Probably because he now weighs less than half a ton, making him considerably less interesting to the media. I’m still interested in his weight loss progress, although apparently he still hasn’t broken the 800 lb. mark.
Fortunately, Mr. Uribe decided to go out on a date recently (yes, he has a girlfriend), so the media was actually interested. It went about has well as could be expected for someone who couldn’t even get out of his house for 5 years:
When Manuel Uribe went out on a date, he made all the necessary arrangements: a forklift to carry him out of the house and a flatbed tow truck big enough to haul the formerly half-ton man and his bed to a party….
Uribe was halfway to a picnic near his Monterrey-area home on Sunday when one of the posts holding a sun-shielding tarp over his bed hit an overpass.
Uribe’s blood pressure dropped so much his doctors advised him not to go on and the celebration — being documented by about two dozen photographers and reporters from around the world — was canceled.
Source: Waco Tribune
Hey, I couldn’t help but noticing, but this blob called Uribe has managed to find a girlfriend, and he can’t even leave his house. I couldn’t help but notice your romantic life has been considerably less active than his the past year or so.
Thank you for your insight. I’ve been a little busy recently.
Yeah, sure.
Let me guess, you’re going to brag about your exploits and try to show off.
I was going to, but I don’t want to make you look too bad.
84-year-old Robert Mugabe, president of Zimbabwe, is holding a birthday party, and to celebrate, he’s going to run for a 6th term in office. Of course, when your country has been suffering for years from inflation (now 100,000% annually), unemployment (80%) and mass emigration to South Africa, that doesn’t mean you’re unfit for office–it’s obviously the fault of the West.
There will be some token opposition from those like Morgan Tsvangirai and former ZANU-PF finance minister Simba Makoni. (Mugabe derided Makoni as a political “prostitute”.) Of course, most voters will “see the light” and determine that Mugabe is simply bringing the country the long way around to economic prosperity. Or Zimbabweans have long been convinced of the mantra that “might makes right”.
In other news, a bunch of Saudi men were arrested for flirting, “accused of wearing indecent clothes, playing loud music and dancing in order to attract the attention of girls”. Now this seems harsh, but there are some men here who probably deserve to be arrested based on some of the pick-up lines they use.
All the female LEPers I’m aware of are already attached, so unfortunately I will not be able to try some of those lines here.
For those of you who use this site as their primary news source, please note Fidel Castro has resigned and has handed power to his much younger brother Raul. It’s not a joke this time.
For all the faults of the United States, at least we have term limits.
My parents and I got a chance to listen to portions of speeches by Clinton, Obama, McCain, and Huckabee tonight.
Clinton: Certainly not a bad speaker, but trying far too hard to smile all the time. A lot of “I”’s and usual promises.
Obama: Pushed the usual promises in better wrapping, actually said he’d have a tough time achieving his goals. As good an orator as advertised. Too much “hope” talk.
McCain: Was obviously reading his speech, and was completely laughable.
Huckabee: At least he didn’t use cue cards, but he was mainly talking about how he wasn’t mathematically eliminated. Not a good sign.
Oh, yeah, Obama and McCain swept the primaries tonight.
Prediction: Obama will be the next president. I’m confident enough to wager small amounts of money on it. This means that he will defeat Clinton, then McCain.
1. Why Obama will defeat Clinton
2. Why Obama will defeat McCain
Do you remember in 2000 how virulent the battle was between Bush and McCain for the GOP nomination? Well, Bush STILL harbors bitterness over that fight.
You see, Bush has giving a ringing endorsement of McCain, calling him “a true conservative”. McCain probably spit out his Cheerios and snorted milk out of his nose when reading that headline. Who wants an endorsement from someone who has a 35% approval rating? And the true conservative label would really have helped during the primaries, not before they were practically decided. It’s not like being labeled a conservative is going to help capture the center in the general election.
(By the way, are you someone who generally approves of the current president? Please let me know why! I promise not to make fun of you, but I can’t say the same for Blunderprone.)
Oh, and by the way…we just got out of 8 years of a conservative regime that didn’t exactly make the top ten. And there are people telling me they want ANOTHER conservative in office? (Hi, Mr. Hannity.) Not to be crude, but when I want to be bent over again, I’ll let you know.
Fortunately, Bush is talking out of his behind when he says John McCain is a “true conservative”, and even if McCain is elected, it will be an improvement.
“Winning” is not the exact term…but he now has 861 pledged delegates to Clinton’s 855. I don’t know how the other states are expected to fare, so it may be one or the other has a bigger advantage in reality.
It may have been Robert Novak who noted this, but the Clinton campaign would have preferred to have things wrapped up by Super Tuesday–not only to have time to work on the GOP, but Obama will get stronger as time goes on. There’s more time for people to get to know his name and be infected by his charm.
Side note: There’s an interactive map on MSN of the primary results, which ironically worked for me in Firefox, but not IE7. This is unexpected because it’s Flash, but I’m curious if anyone has similar results.
On the GOP side, Huckabee did well, but it’s not going to matter.
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