For lunch break on Thursday, I ambulated along Griffin Road to pretend I occasionally exercise. (Kinda like drinking V8, so you can fake getting enough vegetables. It’s probably beneficial and better than nothing, but if it’s the only thing it probably won’t matter much in the long run.)
A young man of about 18 years, possibly East Indian with a hairstyle vaguely like mine, bicycled past me. It sounded like he said something to me, and I briefly considered ignoring it. Griffin Road has a fair amount of traffic, making hearing difficult, so it would have been easy to pretend not to hear him. But I decided to turn around.
He stopped, and asked me what I was doing (”Not much, just walking down the street during lunch break.”). Then he inquired if I worked, as if the shirt and tie weren’t a giveaway, and had any kids. (”Yes and no.”) He talked about how he worked, but needed a bit of cash until payday Friday. I gave him 3 bucks, and then he asked if I liked DVD’s.
I don’t remember the exact diction he used, but he implied it was smut. Besides the obvious retort (”You can get that stuff free on the Internet”), I merely declared a lack of interest. After his brief, poor sales pitch, we parted ways.
At least for a few minutes. He came back and stopped me again. He asked rhetorically whether I know that other men would have been mean, and mumbled a couple other things. Then he asked “Can I see your dick?”
I froze and wondered whether the traffic caused me to mishear. Then I asked him to make it clear. He stammered and went on for a little while until I just laughed and said “No! Sorry, that’s not me.” Then he said, “Well, I mean, it can’t hurt to ask,” to which I replied affirmatively although I know full well there are people who would have hurt him for asking.
Even ignoring the fact that I’m not gay and he’s possibly underage…the line “Can I see your dick?” doesn’t exactly crack the top 5 in best ways to start a relationship.
Mr. Johnson’s strategy seems to be hoping people will mistake his name for “Jesse Jackson” and thus he will steal some of the black vote. Unfortunately for him, this happens to be the year of the Obama.
He didn’t take the time to find out about proper image resizing (see the unantialiased “Donate” graphic at bottom). That means he must be bending his full force of will into the presidential campaign, which is what he should be doing, I suppose. (website)
In honor of Polly’s Wacky Wednesdays, here is my most humiliating loss on record.
Known as Basman’s Defense, the Reverse Grob, or the Borg (Grob spelled backwards, get it?), 1. e4 g5 is not used in serious play. For a while, I was entranced with this opening, seeing if I could make it work at the class level of play. The concept is to have a ready-made “spike” against a King castled Kingside, although the intent is made obvious way too soon.
This was my final attempt at using the Borg. The second move should be h6, but I forgot.
I haven’t tried this opening since, not even for fun.
Please note: I haven’t checked e-mail in about three weeks, partly because I can’t be on my usual e-mail checking machine. I’ll try to get to it this weekend. Now that’s out of the way…
Rocky Rook was curious about this site’s tagline, the Shawn Bradley of Weblogs. I’m going to try to make this as un-boring as possible, because it’s not that good of a story come to think of it.
For reference, I have inserted a picture of Shawn Bradley below. (He’s the dunkee, not the dunker.)
The first incarnation of this site was back in late 2006. The name “Liquid Egg Product” came from the cartons of…substance…that McDonald’s uses for some of their egg-containing breakfasts. (I’m forever grateful to the McD’s employee who thought it was a good idea to set the carton close enough to the counter that the customers could read it.) Since blogs are “supposed” to have a tagline, and I was pretty sure the blog would be filled with all sorts of foolishness, the tagline became “The Ronald McDonald of Weblogs”.
My web host accidentally destroyed my database in May 2007, so down went that site. I switched to WordPress, and decided to change the tagline. Why?
Mainly because of Dan LeBatard, who hosts a sports talk radio show that is often unbelievably dumb and inane (which I admit, will occasionally listen to and enjoy). One of his promos has him as McDan McLeBatard hosting “the Ronald McDonald of radio shows” or something like that.
There’s no way I was going to have the same tagline as him.
Shawn Bradley fit very well because he’s:
white
skinny
awkward
mediocre
not very tough
easily mockable
only plays basketball effectively if everyone else is shorter
All of which describe either me as a person or this website (usually both).
I want to hear about how some of you came up with your names (in some cases, what the deuce do they mean?). Where does gorckat come from? Wahrheit sounds German for something-or-the-other. And we never got an explanation about the now defunct ookweb… whatever the deuce it was. And so forth.
1. Corpse ineligible for Social Security: Virgilio Cintron recently bit the dust. His roommate and another friend decided this would be their opportunity to get their hands on some quick cash. They put their friend’s corpse into an office chair, and wheeled him over to a check-cashing store to cash his most recent Social Security check.
Needless to say, they caused some comment in the streets, and a detective took notice. During their failed attempt (they were about to wheel the corpse in, because it needed to be there in person), the cops swung by to make the arrest.
2. Thief takes a stab at it: (We re-enacted this story; see picture.) A man attempted to steal some of hunting knives by stuffing them in his waistband. As he was fleeing the employees trying to stop him, he tripped and stabbed himself in the abdomen.
3. South Africa claims criminal non-mastermind. A man went to a police station, complaining his cell phone was stolen from him at gunpoint. The police called the phone’s number, only to hear the cell phone ringing in the man’s pocket.
: By the way don’t worry about me, that’s not real egg white; that’s ketchup. You can tell the stabbing’s fake because I’m still smiling.
: By the way don’t worry about me, that’s not real egg white; that’s ketchup. You can tell the stabbing’s fake because I’m still smiling.