As Donnie was too lazy to get better fortune cookies, he gave me permission to use the Monday Fighter! platform to revive my flagging presidential campaign.

“Change” seems to be the major theme and I haven’t taken advantage. So here’s my new poster:

Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this after drinking so much rum.

Visiting Liquid Egg Product can be a vital part of boosting your productivity at work. (Not that you aren’t doing this already, of course.) Taking a break from work to surf the ‘net actually boosts your ability to work because you get revitalized. Check out what this professor at some university said:

Dr Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic of London’s Goldsmiths University, who helped with the research, said: “Tea breaks and fag breaks have long been the most common types of break within office culture but the report shows that ebreaks are fast becoming the most popular choice of break for British workers.

“The report proves that a 10 minute ebreak a day can have significant benefits but, despite this, many bosses are banning them in the fear that they distract employees.

By the way, this article’s from Britain, so when it says “fag break” it means cigarettes. Either that, or they’re doing something else in the British workplace I wouldn’t be particularly eager to be a part of.

Anyway, the next time your boss asks you “Why the *#@% are you visiting that website with that egg again, Smithson?!?!”, just respond, “Sir/Madam, I’m just trying to boost my productivity for the good of the company! That egg is called the Mascot and you’ll find him very inspirational!” (Note: In that example conversation, you should substitute your own name for Smithson if your name’s not Smithson.)

And while you’re at it, tell him to buy a Mascot T-shirt to support my 2008 presidential bid. Obama is starting to pass me in campaign funds.

Source: The Press Association: Web breaks ‘boost productivity’

Dinosaur Mom has given me an official endorsement to be a Vice Presidential candidate to someone. I was a little sad that it wasn’t a full presidential endorsement, but I guess it might be smart to get some more experience first and reduce my chances of being beat up by Chuck Norris.

Anyway, I’m still going to run for president until one of the other candidates asks me to be VP, except if it’s Michael Jingozian. Meanwhile, you can check out mascot08.com to see why I’m better than those other guys, except it’s not finished yet.

Blue Devil Knight is apparently retiring, and I’m still trying to decide whether he’s cool or not. I made a cameo in part 1 of his video review series! Yes, I look smashing in it. But then he thinks Jeremy Silman is cooler than me, so that sucks and I yelled at him for it. At least he likes me a little bit.

Wahrheit is down to 7.3% body fat due to my inspirational presence. And that should tell you something. How much body fat have you lost since you started reading my site?

Good morning, Mascot. How are you?

Unlike you, I’m not cruelly cracking eggs, then brutally whipping them to make that “scrambled eggs” concoction. So I’m feeling good because I have a clear conscience.

… Yeah, whatever. Got an idea for you. Why don’t you take up the Lorelle on Wordpress weekly challenge, which is to write about something political. It’ll revive your presidential campaign.

Never heard of this Lorelle chick. Is she cute?

I don’t know. Why should you care? And that was an absolute slap in the face to Drunknknite, yesterday, not even spelling his name right.

He’s the one who needs to learn how to spell. And I’m not doing anything political. You know. Because of Chuck Norris.

Wahrheit had a great idea. If he can get Jackie Chan to help out, I’ll talk to Mr. T and Lou Ferrigno. Between those three guys, you should be safe from him.

I don’t think that’s enough…

*sigh* You know the real reason why Chuck Norris won’t kick your butt? Because he doesn’t even know about your campaign. At this rate, you’re going to get like 6 votes come election time. And I’m not one of them.

Did you just say you aren’t voting for me? *whimper*

Yeah, I…oh, good grief. Don’t tell me you’re going to cry! Oh, man. You’re getting yolk all over your shell!

*whimper, whimper*

Oh, all right already! I’ll vote for ya.

Really? Thanks! (Sucker…)

It would be a good idea if you took up that blog challenge thing. Write about something political, so people know you’re serious.

Like about how all the candidates are so worried about their image, so they should vote for someone who keeps it real, like me!

Er…something like that.

Yar!

Um…remember how I’m running for president? Well, now there’s a big question mark hanging around the campaign (see poster, below).

Check out this video, and see why my presidential run may not be such a great idea…

Chuck Norris is endorsing Mike Huckabee as president! And it doesn’t even matter how bad their commericals are! So what does that have to do with me?

Everything! Isn’t is obvious? Huckabee is going to get Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick all the other candidates who dare oppose him! It may be illegal, but who’s going to arrest him, the SWAT team? They’ll pee their pants when they see their guns are ineffective against Chuck Norris’ bulletproof beard!

So…I’m seriously thinking about bowing out. I don’t need a kick to the shell ruining my perfect complexion.

In 2008, the United States will elect a new president to replace President Bush. I suspect most of the world will not be crying into their Coca-Cola over that one. Poster design stolen from the Fred ‘08 campaign.