The other day I got this in the mail (click to view full-size):

Either a most amazing coincidence, or somehow my name is now publicly tied to egg somehow. But I know I never sent anything to those guys under the name “Donnie Briggs Egg”.

For those of you who can’t get enough of me:

An actual Twitter account: http://twitter.com/LiquidEgg

An actual Facebook account: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=1154624499

Perhaps they could be a little more specific.

Today, we wax vain about Liquid Egg Product and talk about what we liked most about this past year. (We’re doing this to keep morale up, because 2008 had distinctly higher quality posts.)

But first of all, we thank all our readers for their patronage (or should that be tolerance?). Especially those of you who leave your witty comments. It really makes LEP come alive and infinitely increases our pleasure doing it.

And as we do every several months, we promise to have more chess-related posts in the future.

: Even though it’s useless, I like that we now have an official calendar. It looks good in my living room.

: The best part was when Donnie posted shirtless pictures of himself. Now everyone can tell how much sexier I am than him.

: All I know is that I pity the fools who don’t know about LEP.

: The most gratifying thing is if you do a Google search for “liquid egg” or “liquid egg product”. Our blog is listed first, even ahead of all those companies that actually sell liquid egg product. That gives me a warm feeling inside.

Thankfully, Flash can automatically import Photoshop files, so I didn’t do that much work.

After my exposé of the Knights Errant, a lot of people emailed me with stuff like “Hey, Mascot, that was pretty slick how you got all that top-secret information. Can you teach me how to be a spy?”

Of course, I can’t divulge all of my secrets. But this will get you on the right track.

1. Being a spy doesn’t make you cool: A lot of people think just because you scale walls, eavesdrop on evil dictators, and drive improbably decked out vehicles, being a spy can make you cool.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. You have to be cool first before you can be a spy. It’s like those commercials about the Most Interesting Man in the World. He isn’t interesting because he wanted to be. He’s interesting because he is interesting.

So if you’re like a nerd or something, you can’t be a spy.

A true spy’s identity is inscrutable — note the strategic use of masks. The CIA has no clue what the identities of “Shell Game” and “Agent R” are.

2. Make sure to wear a Zorro mask, so no one can recognize you.: If you’re familiar with the story of Zorro, Don Diego de la Vega was able to hide his identity for years (even though he was one of the five people in town who could have possibly fit the description). How? Because of the mask. And if it worked for Zorro, it can work for you.

The CIA took this picture of a suspicious exchange between two spies. Due to their masks, it’s impossible to tell who they are.

3. Don’t sleep with the sexy enemy agent: And the only exception to this rule is if you’re James Bond. Otherwise, one of three things will happen:

• 1. You’ll discover, too late, the wine was poisoned.
• 2. A knife under the pillow will find its way into your back.
• 3. The enemy agent will signal “Vladimir”, “Yuri”, and “Nicolai” to break in and beat you to a pulp before the inevitable KGB interrogation.

If you will forgive the stereotype of the brutal Russian spy. No offense to our Russian readers and readers married to Russians, of course. But it’s true.

It’s hard to remember that there are so many who have a hard time affording food, even in a rich country like the United States. When you have food security, at least you have the energy and full mental capacity to try to dig yourself out of a bad situation. When it’s a battle to get enough calories…I can’t imagine the struggle.

So, this will be a habit: Every time I shop for groceries, $10 will be spent on food that I’ll donate to a food bank.

A common money-saving tip is “Don’t go grocery shopping on an empty stomach, because you’ll buy more food.”

Based on experience, this is true. But unless you buy nothing but perishable food, doesn’t this just mean it’ll take longer before you have to go grocery shopping again?

Just kidding. We don’t have any sex advice. But this will probably get a lot of pageviews! And pageviews are good for boosting ad revenue (I’m trying to convince Donnie to let me try to post ads to make some money.)

…he can take one of those anti-theft shopping carts beyond the yellow line.

(He’s too modest to put this up, so I have to post it.)