Many years ago, when just starting my current job, I was introduced to my new co-worker, Juan. Some would say his depth of experience with the airline industry was his most impressive aspect. But there was something else different about him.

His eraser.

Juan was determined not to waste office supplies, which meant that he wouldn’t toss away or accidentally lose a half-used pencil. He showed me his eraser, which was barely large enough to hold and use. Filled with admiration, I was determined to obtain such a trophy.

He retired a few years later, but I never lost sight of my goal. After 5 or 6 years of usage, I was able to earn my own Juan Eraser. After grinding it down to the size of my thumbnail, I decided it earned its retirement:

But who knows. One day, I may decide to continue erasing with it until it’s even smaller than my pinky nail.

So there’s this calendar with a whole bunch of Zen sayings. While many make some sort of sense, others sound like they were uttered by a dude on magical mushrooms who wanted to sound wise.

Some of these quotes are actual Zen statements (per the calendar), others are meaningless crap that I made up. Can you tell which are which?

1. The whole moon and the entire sky are reflected in dewdrops on the grass, or even in one drop of water.

2. To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.

3. Wind, water, mind. One who masters the heart can no longer take harm.

4. Wanting nothing with all your heart stop the stream. When the world dissolves everything becomes clear.

5. An Autumn night…don’t think your life didn’t matter.

6. To one who waits, the tree gains existence.

7. Generally, faith is like spring mist at first. Be brave at the vanishing point.

8. Hollowness can only result from existence.

9. Neither stone, nor water, nor the sky raises the forest.

10. If the greatest cold does not penetrate into our bones, how will the fragrance of the plum blossoms pervade the entire universe?

Even mundane supermarkets can contain invaluable gems:

Yes, you’re reading that correctly. This brand of beer is called “Hebrew: the Chosen Beer”. I would have tried to ascertain the difference between “Messiah Bold” and “Genesis Ale” if I were a beer drinker.

Yeah, so I have to admit it. Even though everyone knows that I, the Mascot, is incredibly non-nerdy, there’s one part of me that’s…kinda nerdy.

I always wanted to star in an old-school style RPG. It would have a kick-butt name like “The Secret of Breakfast”:

And since it’s “old-school”, the graphics could use only 4 colors, like those old CGA monitors:

And you’d encounter a variety of dastardly enemies, like Goblins, Ogres, or Bagels:

You could even switch between Palette #1 (black, white, cyan, magenta) and Palette #2 (black, yellow, green, red) if you wanted some variety:

But, this would be way too awesome and the world doesn’t deserve an experience like that.

It’s no secret that I and most of my friends are nerds of some sort. Granted, it seems arbitrary what forms of entertainment are considered nerdy or not. As Americans, I guess non-nerds are supposed to like reality TV, football (American) and summer movie blockbusters. (Video games are OK as long as they’re first-person shooters.)

Here are a few things that assure my nerd credentials:

1. Being able to name 20 different chess openings.
2. Preferring to watch professional Starcraft to professional sports.
3. The ability to mathematically demonstrate why the World Series is not a good way to determine who the best team in the league is.

So tell me…what makes you a nerd?

In short, I am alive, but very busy and tired. Even on weekends. Will respond to your witty and enlightening comments later.

Feel free to submit your bad puns in the comments! Here’s mine: I don’t get along with Moroccans. We just don’t see fez to fez.

Some websites to keep you occupied on a Monday:

This ESPN blog prides itself on conciseness.

No “GG” here.

Who killed Albert Ayler?

I can’t start this for another month or two, but I’m envisioning an actual Black Eggs Can’t Mate Flash movie, maybe 10 to 15 minutes long.

Would you be interested in a voice acting role? Let me know! Actual acting ability is completely optional.

Unfortunately, I don’t know any GM’s or IM’s to cast as the Russian grandmasters; that would be AWESOME. It would lend some credibility to the project (sort of). But it’s not like Hikaru Nakamura stops by LEP all the time or anything and would volunteer (and it’s not like he can do a convincing Russian accent anyway).

Once we get enough money, we’re making the movie “Black Eggs Can’t Mate” (click image for full size):

Synopsis: Chess hustlers make a living by winning bets off neighborhood games. Chess Expert Albert Chan (played by Egg Fu Yung) thinks he can be the best hustler in the ‘hood. But he’s fresh off the boat, and is having a tough start in a new country.

Albert stumbles upon struggling rapper Tyronez Bonez (played by Mr. E) and discovers a latent chess talent. The unlikely duo strike it rich on the chess hustling scene, because no one thinks black guys can play chess.

But when the National Bughouse Tournament comes to town, ghosts from the past threaten to destroy Albert and Tyronez. Will our chess hustler heroes thwart the plans of pasty white CEO Lars Melville (played by the Mascot)? Can they hang with those blasted Russian Grandmasters?

However you spell it, Qaddafi, Gaddafi, Gadhafi, the leader of Libya seems to be on his final legs. I don’t know what he’s planning besides bombing his own cities, but foresighted totalitarian regimes prepare for the day when they can no longer hold power.

We propose that Colonel Qaddafi follow in the footsteps of another colonel, Colonel Sanders. Sanders established a worldwide empire with his secret recipe. Qaddafi could develop his own tempting fried chicken recipe. Using halal meat, of course.