There’s been some sort of nerdy chess player dust-up on some chick named Vicary’s blog. FIDE Master Jon Jacobs had the following to say:
They and their blogs carry colorful handles like Liquid Egg Product, blunderprone, Wahrheit, and even Man de la Maza….Less politely, they could be described as a “cult”…
Fellow bloggers, including BDK, Wahrheit, and chessloser went to bat for me, indicating that I am not part of the de la Maza cult.
Unfortunately, Mr. Jacobs is closer to the mark than I’ve been letting on.
You see, last December the Mascot converted to Mazaism, and we helped him build a dark temple in his basement so he could worship the requisite three times a day. (Worship sessions consist of constant repetition of the phrase “de la Maza is teh bomb” while moving around in circles. It’s not my cup of tea, but whatever.)
A couple months ago, FM Jon Jacobs snuck into the Mascot’s basement, snapped some photographs, and threatened to release them to the world if we at Liquid Egg Product didn’t pay up. Even though we’ve been FAITHFULLY paying the hush money every week, he went ahead and PUBLICLY outed this site yesterday.
We’ve stopped the payments, and are looking into ways we can legally recover the blackmail money.
No, the Mascot’s Dark Temple is not available for tours. Sorry.
May 8th, 2008
13 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Chess, Religion
I’m getting a little resentful that the about page still says I only do 2% of the work around here. It’s been days since Mr. Boss gave you a decent post. It’s almost like he was hoping some of you readers would wish him happy birthday, then just took off. Looks like it’s up to me to save the site…
So get this: I was eating lunch last Sunday, trying to decide on my college basketball bracket. I stared into my bowl of Chunky Soup, bending my massive intellect into the task at hand. All of a sudden, I received a flash of inspiration…the chunks of food formed an image of the Virgin Mary! (See picture, below.)
It was obvious: Mount Saint Mary would upset North Carolina. All the other picks just kinda fell into place after that.
Mount Saint Mary ended up losing by 39.
I sold the bowl of soup on eBay for $17. Images of Mary in random objects sure don’t go for as much as they used to.
March 28th, 2008
5 comments
Posted by Liquid E. P. Mascot
Filed under Sports, Religion
Tom’s asking “Does Jesus want to be my friend forever?” finally prodded me to post this (it’s been sitting unfinished since November).
During my college days, I attended a church with a more “contemporary” style of worship. Despite attending for three years, I never found it easy to worship seriously there. At the time, I rarely talked about it, nor was able to put a finger on why that should be the case.
Eventually, I figured out one thing, made obvious when “Shout to the Lord” by Darlene Zschech was sung during the service. There was a particular point during the song when, without fail, a bunch of people would shoot up their hands and do the hand-waving thing. This was when there was a modulation (change of key) and the volume was kicked up a notch.
It was the music itself that was eliciting such a response from the congregation, not the song’s content. (Perhaps this is one of the reasons that music is frowned upon in Islam?)
While at my parents’ house some time back, a second point was revealed. One of the articles in the October 2007 issue of Tabletalk discussed contemporary worship. Here is what Gene Edward Veith had to say:
They are mostly in the form of secular love-songs to Jesus. They are often from the feminine point of view, singing “Jesus, I am so in love with you” in a way that makes men squirm. Sometimes, “Jesus” is never mentioned, with the song being addressed to a “you” who could just as easily be a human lover.
These “Jesus-is-my-boyfriend” types of songs can be sacrilegious or profane.
Now I remember. That always felt weird to me, even as other students tried to convince me it was not.
March 22nd, 2008
12 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Uncomfortability, Religion
Over my first week or so of living in Houston, I’ve lived off a limited variety of foodstuffs procured from Hong Kong Food Market. But now was time to do some serious stocking up on food, and I decided to visit a Fiesta (it’s a Texas thang; you wouldn’t understand. Unless you’ve lived in Texas–specifically Houston, Austin, or Dallas. So maybe that should have been “It’s a Houston, Austin, or Dallas thang…”).
It was a mostly uneventful trip, but after I’d covered the entire store, I realized I’d forgotten to buy some sort of cheese, located at the opposite end. Evading shopping carts, dodging small children, and sidling past store employees, I finally reached the end where a blonde lady who looked to be in her 50’s was looking at the cheeses.
When I got there, she told me to make sure to buy foods only if it was OK with God. As an example, she pointed out the Borden brand of cheese: “Borden” spelled backwards spells “Ned rob”, which I guess meant that Borden mentioned people stealing so I wasn’t supposed to buy it. She pointed to some products in her own cart, like some “Grin and Giggle” bath wash which she was supposed to get because she giggled too much. And there was some VO5 or something she was supposed to buy as a punishment from God. I really don’t remember the details.
As she turned to go, she mentioned I was “very nice and very handsome”, a bit of flattery which will certainly improve my evaluation of her (more than likely, I was one of the few people willing to listen to her). Then she noted my Red Cross T-shirt, and I explained to her about my blood donorship. She warned me that when giving blood, they could inject me with AIDS or something.
I figured I was dealing with someone either paranoid or kinda nutty. Then she asked if I knew that the FBI could install an implant that could make you stop talking if they didn’t want you to. I said I didn’t know about it. She laughed and said she was kidding. So now I’m wondering whether she was just messing with me the entire time. Nonetheless, it was an interesting experience which I feel the richer for.
Oh, yeah, she wished me a Happy Thanksgiving, too. Very well, then. Happy Thanksgiving, ma’am. I hope our paths cross again.
November 8th, 2007
5 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Grilled Cheese, Religion
Popular San Antonio pastor dies from lightning strike during hike.
Minister in skirt charged with indecent exposure. The minister was male, so the skirt thing was a bit unusual.
Thieves posing as coppers rob pastor. The minister stated, “I forgive. I pray for the people because they don’t know what they’re doing.” Um, sir, I would conjecture these thieves knew very well what they were doing.
August 30th, 2007
2 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Religion, In the News
I will leave you to make your own judgment on this one…
(All the pics link to the same page: a trailer for the game Bibleman: A Fight for Faith)
August 15th, 2007
4 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Gaming, Religion, Bad Ads
Physics Misconceptions: Don’t worry, it’s not rocket science. Mostly.
Bigelow launches its second inflatable space module: This is definitely rocket science.
Did you know Chef Boyardee was a real guy?
According to Grand Ayatollah Sistani, playing chess and “black gammon” (backgammon) are forbidden for a Muslim. For what I can gather, this is because they were used for gambling. However, horse racing is OK.
June 30th, 2007
7 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under History, Science/Technology, Chess, Religion
It’s your 60th birthday. You wrote a world-famous novel which catapulted you into a realm of respect, and have just been knighted by Queen Elizabeth. Another book seven years later gave you true worldwide recognition.
A leader halfway around the world calls for your death. Actually, there’s been a bounty on your head for about the last couple decades. The government spends millions to protect your hide.
You are…
June 22nd, 2007
2 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Religion, In the News
When the time comes for me to get married, there’s always the issue of massive planning and making sure everything’s perfect for the bride. Because as we know, the wedding’s a girl thing. As guys, our job is to:
- Say “Yes, dear,” when the fiance makes a suggestion.
- Play golf up to one hour before the wedding. (Well, I don’t like golf, so I’ll stick with chess.)
One part of the planning could be very easy for me: my grandfather’s a pastor, so he’d be able to perform the ceremony, and he did do my sister’s wedding last year. Not to spurn family, but I would have to decline his services if he so offered.
You see, there’s this other guy who I’d love to perform the ceremony. You may have heard of him; his name is Tom Cruise. Apparently, he’s reached the highest levels of Scientology by taking the “cream” and the “clear”. Or something like that. This apparently means he act as some sort of priest, and rumor has it that he could perform a wedding for a friend.
I’m saving my money from now for what will hopefully be a glorious day. Who knows, maybe Xenu will tag along, and I’ll get to meet him in person.
June 20th, 2007
6 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Chess, Religion, Entertainment
I can’t imagine there are any of you unfamiliar with the events that occurred on Sept. 11, 2001. Al-Qaeda agents killed almost 3,000 unsuspecting civilians in a horrifying, clever attack.
They did this in the name of God.
Most people agree this is an aggregious crime and a moral wrong. (And I feel sorry for those who don’t see the problem with it.)
I would like to know what the moral difference is between that act, and the following incidents:
From Numbers 31: “And [Israel] warred against the Midianites, just as the Lord commanded Moses, and they killed all the males….And Moses said to them: ‘Have you kept all the women alive?….Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known a man intimately. But keep alive for yourselves all the young girls who have not known a man intimately.’”
In other words: a genocide and the men split up the virgins between them. This is doubly strange because of the constant Biblical warnings of foreign women who worship other gods.
I Samuel 15:2-3: “Thus says the Lord of hosts: ‘I will punish Amalek for what he did to Israel, how he ambushed him on the way then he came from Egypt. Now go and attack Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and do not spare them. But kill both man and woman, infant and nursing child…’”
I’ve known this story since middle school, but it never really sunk in. If this same event occurs today, imagine the (justified) hue and cry. What makes it worse is that those Amalekites were punished for something that their ancestors did hundreds of years beforehand. Could you imagine the United States going to war in 2007 against Britain for burning down the White House in the War of 1812? What sort of justice is that?
Is it possible to reconcile a supposedly good, unchanging God with those kinds of acts?
It seems that a better explanation is that the writer of these passages used God to justify serious atrocities.
There are other questions that could be raised about other topics: the Bible never condemning slavery, or whether an eternal Hell is justified for a finite number of sins committed. But that’s for another day.
June 17th, 2007
3 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Religion
