In Australia, there’s a fast food joint called “Hungry Jack’s”. Sure, it looks like their logo is merely ripping off Burger King’s, but they are actually Burger King in Australia. Sort of. At least they started that way; go read some Wikipedia if you care about that stuff.
Curious minds will start to wonder: “Seeing as this was Australia, was the death caused by a crocodile, kangaroo, or rabid wombat?” The actual cause of death was your standard drug overdose, demonstrating that there are other ways to die in Australia besides dangerous animals and ridiculously hot summers.
These same curious minds will likely be drawn to the fact that the corpse was hanging around for 3 days. It’s expected that public bathrooms have more aggressive cleaning schedules.
I will also note that it’s improbable the cleaners overlooked the corpse during the course of normal maintenance. “Sorry, boss, I must have missed a spot” doesn’t fully explain the facts of the case.
But maybe the restaurant isn’t completely to blame here. “Check for corpses in all stalls” is rarely part of a restroom cleaning checklist. And fast food workers are not necessarily hired based on their penchant for initiative.
So for my job, there are three mental stages I go through when new software needs to be demoed:
1. Despair: Impending sense of doom. There is no way we’ll be ready for production. The scope’s too big, we barely have the resources for an alpha build, never mind sufficient time for testing.
2. Resignation: Realization that whatever happens, happens. No one has killed me yet.
3. Unfounded optimism: Some of the most critical tasks/bugs get resolved just before software has to be demoed. It’s an incredible feeling of relief that temporarily overshadows the knowledge that there’s still way too many features with scant review and testing. And that there are some lingering requirements unfulfilled.
4. Tragedy: Product promptly fails in presentation to client.
Rinse and repeat.
Right now, two hours before the meeting, I’m at stage 3.
Although I’m not much of a talker, some people say my voice would work well for radio. Whether that’s true is debatable. But it gives me some perverse comfort to know that, if I ever were asked to anchor a TV news broadcast, it could end better than A.J. Clemente’s stint at a North Dakota station.
Apparently not aware he was on air, the co-anchor exclaimed “Gay…fucking shit!” The anchor managed to somewhat calmly express herself in English to begin her part of the broadcast.
In general, I listen to songs for the melody, not lyrics. Often, lyrics are simply difficult for me to make out, even more so when the singer does not share my accent.
Last night, I listened to one of my old favorites as a youngster, Winston Soso’s “I Don’t Mind”:
Even the chorus, I’ve heard wrong all these years. It’s not “I don’t mind, I don’t mind if you want to give me a bit of music”, it’s “I don’t mind, I don’t mind if you want to give me, I won’t refuse it”.
Making it worse: reading the comments on YouTube, it was revealed that the song’s about…cunnilingus. Not too surprising, considering many old soca and calypso lyrics favored these type of double entendres. Kids could easily listen to these songs not realizing what’s up (granted, “Doctor Kitch” was less subtle than most).
Still, I don’t mind listening to this song in the future. Har.
This place is gorgeous! Five star! Any positive or ok review was definitely not written by the hotel, a customer wrote it. This is the least disgusting place I have ever seen. It is not a scam at all. They didn’t lure us in with fake hotel photos. Then we signed up and after we saw (how awesome) the room (was) they would not refund our money (it was too awesome for us).
1. This is great if you want to get a feel of what a g&y-prostituti-n hot bed is like – it was like we were on bleepin’ tv! amazing!
2. There was a really cool hole in the floor – a big one – it was exciting because we don’t know how far down it goes!!
3. It was exciting because it smelled like p*e and was obviously uncleaned – other people that night found used razor blades and used soap in their “$130 room.”
4. The bathrooms were exciting and built trust because they couldn’t close since they were half ripped off (the top hing was almost entirely ripped off, probably by some cool-a5s plmp) I got to shlt in front of my date if I had to! Hahahaha, who doesn’t want an excuse to do that?!
5. The excitement was sky-high because the sprinklers were cut! Fire meant certain death – eXciTiNg!!!!!!
6. If you’ve ever wanted to see protltutes in the wild – they are everywhere! They surround this place! Awesome!
7. There were cool razor blade marks all over from cutting up (baby asprin?!) it made it authentic and real!! Rustic!
8. They found a dead h0oker in one of the rooms a few weeks before we got there – did she die of excitement?!!
9. The bathroom floor was caving in (preparing us for our swaying cruise) and smelled like celebrity urine. Were we in a room with celebrity urine?! I hope so! I took a swab home for my collection!
10. The ice bucket was already used and dirty when we got there (I almost stole it as a momento – was it Johnny Depp who used it last?!!!?!?!??!!!)
11. They won’t let you leave the premesis with the keys or you are charged an extra $10. (I assume so many people steal the keys to prove they actually were awesome enough to stay in such an awesome establishment).
12. The theme or our room – I can only assume – was “celebrity toilets” – it must have been because there were a bunch of used run-down toilets out our window, in front of a house that looked like it was about to fall down (movie prop??!?!!?!!?)
13. The grease-like substance which covered nearly everything was left in-tact for our enjoyment (celebrity c*m?!!!)
14. We didn’t want to disturb the sheets – which were obviously used many times over by celebrities – I think a few of them had even pissed on them based on the smell!!
15. Someone (I assume they were high-profile) was bold enough to put his/her cigs out on the coffee table! Oh, boy!
16. A bald, cross-dressed (celebrity?!!) pretending to be a pr0stitute was arguing over his “rent” (lol) when we got there.
17. They even pay a man to dress like a pimp and pretend to be eye-f@cking your date when you come/go – just so it’s exciting!!!!
18. I kinda fell for all the stagecraft – I really felt like myself or my date was actually going to get raped! I wouldn’t even let her go in the hallway while I cr@pped with the door open!!! (There were “s#x” noises like crazy in the hallway – so authentic. We couldn’t even find their speakers! So real!)
19. There was more awesomeness – but I can’t divulge it all and ruin it!
20. They wouldn’t give the people (who obviously thought it was a ReAL wh0rehouse) their money back! These people thought it was a scam, lol!!!
21. I’m not making any of this up – they went to that level of trouble to make sure you had the experience of a “real new orleans wh0rehouse!” for only $75 – $175 and up!!
22. They really want it to feel authentic, because they even pay the taxi drivers to drop off un-suspecting tourists! Can you imagine how scared they’d be if they thought it was all real?!!
Go here! I don’t think you’ll get aids.
Room Tip: There is no good room. Just pee on yourself, then crash in a pile of garbage instead.