“Yeah, there are too many Jews in chess. They seem to have taken away the class of the game. They don’t seem to dress so nicely, you know. That’s what I don’t like.”

(Found on Portrait of a Genius As a Young Chess Master)

Even though you’ve seen pictures of me, Mr. E, and Egg Fu Yung, admit it. Most of you don’t really think eggs are sentient. But most people seem to believe that chickens are sentient (I don’t understand the difference, but whatever.)

So maybe this SHOCKING report from the AP will SHOCK you into avoiding eating eggs: the egg industry kills 200 million male chicks a year. (“Male chicks” as in male baby chickens, not hot babes that are really guys.)

They use a process called “instantaneous euthanasia”: male chicks are dropped alive into grinding machines. I suppose this does kill them right quick. But when you go out on a Friday night, do you say to your friends “Hey, let’s find a conveyor belt that will throw us into a grinding machine?” At least, when you’re not drunk. No, right? It doesn’t sound like fun.

Why do they do this? Because the males are not “profitable”–they can’t manufacture eggs, and they aren’t good enough for meat. It’s kinda a reverse sexism.

So the lesson? DON’T EAT EGGS, unless you are a sadist or sexist or sexist sadist.

Source: AP Exclusive: Video shows chicks ground up alive

: Michael Jackson will be remembered as a great singer and an oddball. In his defense, this is not unusual. In fact, there may be some sort of correlation which can be proved scientifically.

: Some of us will remember MJ fondly. I will remember him fondling. As children run out of Neverland shouting “I’m free, I’m free!”, there’s one thing about Michael Jackson’s passing that will always stick with me. It must have been a real thriller trying to keep him alive in the hospital.

As a side note, if you’re not white now, don’t become white. Trust me, it’s not that healthy.

: Uh. I didn’t listen to his music. But that moonwalk thing was cool. Wish I could do that.

Hate bringing up 7-year-old stories as if they were new, but LEP tends to miss the boat on a lot of things.

Many American sports teams, colleges, and high schools use Native American mascots such as Braves, Seminoles, Aztecs, Chiefs, and (most controversially) Redskins. While most people don’t give a second thought to it, it’s a sore point for some.

A high school college intramural basketball team decided to protest a local high school team’s “Fightin’ Reds” mascot with the “Fightin’ Whities”, complete with the slogan “Every thang’s going to be all white.”

While the team did get some pub, it probably didn’t have quite the desired effect. Some criticized the Fightin’ Whities for stooping to the same level as those they were attacking.

Meanwhile, the white community wasn’t very offended. In fact, many simply thought the idea was hilariously wonderful and wanted their own Fightin’ Whities jersey.

Including this white guy. I think I’m buying a T-shirt.

[Obama] is very quickly turning this Country into a Socialist Republic. Humm Wonder what will he do next . . . declare martial law, introduce goose stepping, set up concentration camps for people who don’t agree with his politics. The whole situation is very, very sad.

Over the Internet, it’s tough to say whether this person is using hyperbole, mocking political opponents, or actually believes concentration camps for Republicans is a real possibility.

Even as a professional, the black man can’t catch a break:

Found the rotating feature section of msn.com. Of the 4 angry co-workers, the one most prominent is, of course, a black man. (Here’s the article if you care.)

First of all, is anyone really fooled that a modern chemist sloshes mysteriously colored liquids back and forth in test tubes all day? Did the Times’ photographers say, “Hey, look, we have some orange and purple Kool-Aid here, could you pour some into those beakers so you fit our readers’ stereotype of a chemist?”

Hervé This, the founder of molecular gastronomy, has created a completely synthetic meal. It sounds weird, but this is a great hope for the future once we get used to it. Think about it: If these guys can make fake eggs out of chemicals, people might stop killing real eggs. It would be a major step in our quest for equal rights and justice.

But those scientists are probably going to use real eggs for their experiments. In the picture, you can see that chemist apparently shelled a couple eggs alive, and is brazenly torturing the one on the right by crushing him between his fingers. It’s almost like Mr. This doesn’t even believe his test subject is alive.

How can I possibly support such yolk-wrenching treatment of my fellow egg?

(March Madness starts tomorrow. Get your bracket in before it’s too late!)

Some of you probably have heard of Mukhtar Mai. She is a Pakistani who was gang-raped. Instead of living in shame and without hope or even choosing suicide (which frequently happen), she spoke out and pursued justice, eventually drawing international attention.

Now she’s gotten married, but perhaps on dubious grounds:

[The husband] Gabol said he was so desperate to marry Mai that he threatened to kill himself unless she relented. Fearing he would carry out his threat, Gabol’s first wife met with Mai and persuaded her to marry.

Per Islamic law, Gabol is permitted to have up to four wives, and he didn’t dump the first wife.

(UPDATE: Apparently, Gabol really did try to kill himself.)

“I knew what this was, I, I just went to test it, that’s all.”

This show is addictive.