Probably everyone’s had the experience where they’ve had a dream, awakened, and finally figured out how non-sensical the dream was after a couple minutes.
This morning’s was rather awkward. I was in a bathroom with a female while she was going pee. No, there were no closed-in stalls, just a toilet against a wall. She was wearing a pair of jeans, but was topless (although I saw her from the back only). I was aware enough that this situation would generate some uncomfortability, so I gracefully slipped out the door.
You may realize that it’s strange that I saw her from the back, not front. That’s because she was standing using a urinal. Obviously not realistic, but it took me a couple minutes of being awake to realize it.
September 26th, 2007
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Posted by Donnie
Filed under Uncomfortability
This is a big day in the history of Liquid Egg Product. That smiling egg you see in the picture is now the website’s official mascot! Here’s the exclusive interview I had with him.
Me: So tell the readers, what was it about my page that attracted you?
LEP Mascot: I couldn’t get a gig anywhere else, and you’re actually willing to pay me. So now I know what it feels like to be an illegal immigrant. Sometimes you have to take the work no one else wants to do.
Me: Um…right. You sound a little bitter.
LEP Mascot: Let me tell you something. I tried to get a job hawking Liquid Egg Product cereal. Kellogg’s, General Mills, Post, and Quaker—they all turned me down. But they’re billion dollar companies, and I can see why they don’t need me. Competing against Tony the Tiger and Cap’n Crunch…
Me: You were fighting tradition. That’s tough!
LEP Mascot: But getting laughed out of Malt-O-Meal HQ…that’s when I realized I had to start at the bottom. So I found the bottomest rung on the ladder I could find.
Me: [coughs] Yes, er, well, you get your first chance to strut yourself in a few days for Talk Like a Pirate Day. Feeling nervous?
LEP Mascot: I’m not sure which is more humiliating, being forced to talk like a pirate or being rejected by Malt-O-Meal.
Me: I guess we’re done here.
LEP Mascot: Righty-o.
September 17th, 2007
12 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Uncomfortability
Whither online relationships? This article discusses some of the issues, such as inside a virtual world like Second Life.
If someone already has a real life relationship, I don’t see how this isn’t cheating. If someone feels s/he has to hide the relationship from the significant other, that should be a friggin’ huge red flag.
Although I have no personal experience, some people have approached me in WoW (my main is female). People will tell me from time to time that my character is sexy and/or try to flirt. One guy even tried to “get it on” in an auction house with scores of other people in the room. I didn’t respond. (Being somewhat kid-friendly, WoW does not have any mechanisms for nudity or sexual actions. But you can’t stop words and emotes.)
Only one guy has ever bothered to ask whether I were female in real life. He actually seemed very nice, and I felt a little bad for dashing his hopes. Yes, technically, it’s an assumption that he was male in real life.
September 10th, 2007
5 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Gaming, Science/Technology, Uncomfortability
Otherwise known as the Senator Craig Technique. And I’m afraid there would be certain of those among my acquaintences acquaintances who would do this just to see if it works, like Quang.
September 3rd, 2007
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Posted by Donnie
Filed under Uncomfortability
I want to gauge your interest in this to see whether it’s worth the effort.
In keeping with the mediocrity of Liquid Egg Product, I’m considering attempting to secure an interview a marginally famous person or celebrity. But I need to know whether people would be interested (even if not, I just might try it anyway)
The two entities that came to mind were Alex Chiu and the pirates who founded Talk Like a Pirate Day.
If you have no clue who they are, that’s good, because that merely confirms their marginal fame status. Any other suggestions, or questions you’d want me to pose to these guys can be left in the comments. Or even anyone else who would be good to interview.
August 10th, 2007
5 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Entertainment, Uncomfortability
Today while waiting for Chinese food, I took a peek at their TV (they gave me a new Monday Fighter!). One of those daytime talk shows was on. Some hack named Greg was hosting a show called “Greg”. On stage, a man who looks like he’s trying to break Manuel Uribe’s record was the focus of attention, giving one of those weird confessions.
They showed a picture of the rotund guest in a green shimmering dress, like that’s going to get people to want to watch the show. The guest then explained he was transgender, which means that he’s a female living in a male body. Except he’s attracted to females. So he was considering a surgery to make him female and live as a lesbian. And he’s hoping his girlfriend will be OK with this (”I just want her to say she loves me.”)
Unfortunately, she didn’t yell or scream, or try to beat the crap out of him. At least not while I was there. (Another knock against the show; if there’s none of that, why bother watching?)
If you ever hear the words “Honey, there’s something very important I have to tell you, but we have wait until we’re on the Jerry Springer show,” that’s a red flag that not everything’s right in your relationship. You can probably go ahead and ask, “So are you gay, transgender, or both?” Then spare yourself national embarrassment by duking it out in the privacy of your own home.
Unless, of course, you’d rather have the free plane ride and $150.
August 9th, 2007
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Posted by Donnie
Filed under Entertainment, Uncomfortability
At Publix (supermarket) this morning, I went to pick up a couple of foods. They had their usual two lanes open, except it was extra busy and the lines were quite long. I chose the line with the “10 items or less” sign, having only 3 items to purchase at the time. My confidence in getting to work less than half an hour late swelled as the people around me were also interested in purchasing maybe 1 or 6 or 4 items.
Then the line seemed to stall. Craning my neck, I finally saw the problem: a thirty-something goateed guy wearing a jacket had put down cans and cans of garbanzo beans, some cans of something else, along with a few miscellaneous items. There had to be 20 garbanzo bean cans alone, plus the other junk. The cashier glanced at the guy in rebuke, then started scanning items as fast as she could. As she reduced the number of cans on the counter to four, the rest of us started to shift position and grab items in anticipation of crawling the next few steps forward.
But then he started pulling more cans from out of his jacket. Was he kidding? Was he too lazy to go get a cart or basket? We all breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t pay with a check. At least he had the dignity to look a little sheepish.
Learn this: If you have ten cans of something, it counts as ten items. It does not matter that they’re all the same brand, size, and/or flavor.
August 1st, 2007
7 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Grilled Cheese, Uncomfortability, Weaksauce Losers
Right now, I’m on the phone with United Airlines. Or will be eventually. After navigating through a voice navigation system which understood half of what I said (American’s is much better), I’m on hold for a human agent. Said human will probably be from Sri Lanka and also understand only half of what I say.
July 23rd, 2007
2 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Uncomfortability
Maybe a year ago, a restaurant called Casino Subs opened up. They sold subs (obviously), but also Kerrybanes (Philly cheesesteaks) complete with Amoroso bread! I went a handful of times before they closed down.
A month or two ago, they re-opened, except compressed into half the space–I can only suppose they were hemorraging money by trying to pay rent on too much square footage.
Yesterday, I went in after the lunch rush, and was the only one in the store. There was a woman at the cash register. As I approached, she left the cash register to go to the back, and joined some co-workers who were having some sort of argument about a failed order or something. They must have taken their cue from Asian @#*!$ Kitchen about having heating arguments in front of customers. Except without the cussing.
Is it a coincidence Asian @#*!$ Kitchen and Casino Subs are next to each other?
They had to have known I was there, as I could see them easily. But I guess having an argument was more important than a serving a customer.
Eventually, I ordered the “Johnny Chan” cheesesteak (includes teriyaki sauce), and took a seat to wait. Upon realizating I needed a drink, I got a bottled water and went back to the register. The guy did not look up to greet me, and was eventually prompted by the manager to take care of me.
Having to initiate the conversation with the employee is my pet peeve of bad customer service. I always tried to make sure the customers were at least greeted even if we were really busy (working at Pearle Vision).
One time at Circuit City, I had gone to the “Firedog” counter to ask a question where there were FIVE FRIGGIN EMPLOYEES standing behind the counter, and not one of them recognized me. 2 were busy; 3 were fake busy, and it was one of the busy ones that finally acknowledged me a minute later. I purposely did not try to get their attention to see how long it would take.
If Casino Subs didn’t have such good cheesesteaks, I wouldn’t be inclined go again.
July 17th, 2007
8 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Grilled Cheese, Uncomfortability
This is something that shouldn’t have surprised me, but did. Why people buy a Prius, the most well-known, visible hybrid in the States:
According to a marketing survey (which the Times ran in a graphic I couldn’t hide from), more buyers bought the Prius this year because it “makes a statement about me” (57 percent) than because of its better gas mileage (36 percent) or lower carbon dioxide emissions (25 percent) or new technology (7 percent).
Stream of conscious upon reading that: “What? The heck does “a statement about me” have to do with anything? I’ll bet the statement is ‘Unlike Joe here, I’m doing my part to help the earth.’ Sigh. OK. I forgot what human nature is. So it makes sense. But 57%?”.
Ms. Bazelon goes on to write a most entertaining article, and manages to throw in a reference to The Lorax. As a kid, I liked seeing that on TV once a year. Although I missed the point, because I liked the factory and seeing the trees getting chopped down. Well, actually, I did get the point, but I still liked the factory anyway.
July 15th, 2007
3 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Uncomfortability
