Complete win
1,000 thanks to Joe Lee of ROTK for this find: “You know you start to wonder what the age of the biochem researchers demographic is when they start releasing ads like this.”: It’s called EpMotion
The incompetence of management is staggering
Dear Readers:
If you tried to visit late Saturday and most of Sunday, you saw some placeholder page that said the domain liquideggproduct.com had expired. As it turns out, Management had entered an incorrect address for the credit card when trying to renew the domain name.
Fortunately, someone else in the Company noticed, re-submitted billing information, and renewed the domain for 5 years.
Next time, I hope someone competent and responsible will be placed in charge of such matters.
Sincerely,
The Mascot
弱醬油的輸家
對於那些誰，你認為我們在液體蛋產品的歧視，對中國讀者…您的權利。你是不是大多數在這裡。有一樣，三個或四個你。因此，學習英語。我將聘請drunknknite或wahrheit擊退任何訴訟。
The other jumpseat
An airline passenger discovers there is no joy in being assigned the “other” jumpseat. (Story)
Than Shwe, you held your sham vote instead of helping millions of your cyclone victims. Grats. (Story)
Bank tellers tend to get a little suspicious when you start throwing around 360 billion dollar checks. (Story)
My exercise habits have been very poor. This morning, I discovered I now run a 13 minute mile.
A 13 minute mile.
Now maybe in 30 years, that’ll be something to be proud of. But I used to be able to run one under 7. Nowadays, if you stick me in a race with the 38-ish chessloser and 50-something Polly, they’d be breezing through like a couple of Olympians to the finish line while the crowd starts mocking me as I’m only halfway through, wheezing and gasping.
The TSA finds more ways to “earn” more money.
APIS.
These four letters inspire, if not dread, stress among those who are responsible for its transmission.
APIS stands for “Advance Passenger Information System”, for which US carriers must transmit to US Customs information about passengers and crew on international flights. The penalty is $5,000 per passenger with untransmitted or inaccurate information. (If you’re wondering, the required data includes your name, date of birth, gender, passport number and expiration date, country of residence, country of citizenship, country where passport was issued. Additionally, if you’re a foreigner visiting the US, they must also know the address where you’re staying.)
The old requirement was that an APIS manifest needed to be transmitted no later than 15 minutes after flight departure. That’s been changed to 30 minutes before departure. If there are any last-minute changes (and you never know with mechanical issues, weather, crew legality, etc.) this means that the airlines must delay their flights to comply with APIS. Which airports, airlines, and passengers alike can ill-afford.
On top of this, the “sufficiency rate” for APIS transmissions has also been raised from 97% to 100%, a sufficient record being defined as transmitted and without system errors (ie, the information must be accurate). This means there is now zero room for error whatsoever. Looks like the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) has finally realized the beings working at airports are cyborgs, not humans.
(As a side note, the sufficiency rates are calculated per flight. Which means for the company I work for, which flies 19- and 30-seaters, the sufficiency rate has essentially been 100% the whole time, so we’re already used to it.)
My co-worker believes that these changes were implemented simply to make it easier for the TSA to levy fines on airlines. I can’t really argue it. These new requirements are literally impossible to comply with and do little or nothing to improve security.
Hyperinflation + food shortages = electability
84-year-old Robert Mugabe, president of Zimbabwe, is holding a birthday party, and to celebrate, he’s going to run for a 6th term in office. Of course, when your country has been suffering for years from inflation (now 100,000% annually), unemployment (80%) and mass emigration to South Africa, that doesn’t mean you’re unfit for office–it’s obviously the fault of the West.
There will be some token opposition from those like Morgan Tsvangirai and former ZANU-PF finance minister Simba Makoni. (Mugabe derided Makoni as a political “prostitute”.) Of course, most voters will “see the light” and determine that Mugabe is simply bringing the country the long way around to economic prosperity. Or Zimbabweans have long been convinced of the mantra that “might makes right”.
In other news, a bunch of Saudi men were arrested for flirting, “accused of wearing indecent clothes, playing loud music and dancing in order to attract the attention of girls”. Now this seems harsh, but there are some men here who probably deserve to be arrested based on some of the pick-up lines they use.
All the female LEPers I’m aware of are already attached, so unfortunately I will not be able to try some of those lines here.
What’s in a name?
Please note: I haven’t checked e-mail in about three weeks, partly because I can’t be on my usual e-mail checking machine. I’ll try to get to it this weekend. Now that’s out of the way…
Rocky Rook was curious about this site’s tagline, the Shawn Bradley of Weblogs. I’m going to try to make this as un-boring as possible, because it’s not that good of a story come to think of it.
For reference, I have inserted a picture of Shawn Bradley below. (He’s the dunkee, not the dunker.)
The first incarnation of this site was back in late 2006. The name “Liquid Egg Product” came from the cartons of…substance…that McDonald’s uses for some of their egg-containing breakfasts. (I’m forever grateful to the McD’s employee who thought it was a good idea to set the carton close enough to the counter that the customers could read it.) Since blogs are “supposed” to have a tagline, and I was pretty sure the blog would be filled with all sorts of foolishness, the tagline became “The Ronald McDonald of Weblogs”.
My web host accidentally destroyed my database in May 2007, so down went that site. I switched to WordPress, and decided to change the tagline. Why?
Mainly because of Dan LeBatard, who hosts a sports talk radio show that is often unbelievably dumb and inane (which I admit, will occasionally listen to and enjoy). One of his promos has him as McDan McLeBatard hosting “the Ronald McDonald of radio shows” or something like that.
There’s no way I was going to have the same tagline as him.
Shawn Bradley fit very well because he’s:
- white
- skinny
- awkward
- mediocre
- not very tough
- easily mockable
- only plays basketball effectively if everyone else is shorter
All of which describe either me as a person or this website (usually both).
I want to hear about how some of you came up with your names (in some cases, what the deuce do they mean?). Where does gorckat come from? Wahrheit sounds German for something-or-the-other. And we never got an explanation about the now defunct ookweb… whatever the deuce it was. And so forth.
Most criminals are still idiots
1. Corpse ineligible for Social Security: Virgilio Cintron recently bit the dust. His roommate and another friend decided this would be their opportunity to get their hands on some quick cash. They put their friend’s corpse into an office chair, and wheeled him over to a check-cashing store to cash his most recent Social Security check.
Needless to say, they caused some comment in the streets, and a detective took notice. During their failed attempt (they were about to wheel the corpse in, because it needed to be there in person), the cops swung by to make the arrest.
2. Thief takes a stab at it: (We re-enacted this story; see picture.) A man attempted to steal some of hunting knives by stuffing them in his waistband. As he was fleeing the employees trying to stop him, he tripped and stabbed himself in the abdomen.
3. South Africa claims criminal non-mastermind. A man went to a police station, complaining his cell phone was stolen from him at gunpoint. The police called the phone’s number, only to hear the cell phone ringing in the man’s pocket.
: By the way don’t worry about me, that’s not real egg white; that’s ketchup. You can tell the stabbing’s fake because I’m still smiling.
Bush takes on his rivals
Going back to Smith’s statement (see prior post), he had an insight which I think people fail to keep in mind. Even those who are considered “enemies” and “evil” almost always consider themselves on the side of good. Going even a step further, they probably have some decent reasons to think how they do (even if the actions are out of line).
Please bear with me non-American readers; I’m going to use some examples who are considered US rivals, but may or may not be for your country.
Hugo Chavez, socialist extraordinaire: His attempts to consolidate power smack heavily of authoritarianism, whether he sees it that way or not. But his desire to better the country seems sincere enough, and he continues to receive massive support from the poor–which indicates that probably they are a bit better off than before.
Robert Mugabe: Famed for an ill-fated land redistribution program, which took the farmland away from white colonial descendants and gave it to blacks. Yes, the program lacked foresight and was a wrong way to go about things. But can you blame a black African for feeling bitter about white possession of the land that was the result of imperialism?
Osama bin Laden: We all know about him. He’s not insane in the usual sense, and not all of his reasoning is nuts, including his displeasure at the US abandoning Afghanistan after the Soviets were driven back in 1988.
So how would you compare Bush, morally, to some of these other leaders?*
vs Osama: Osama favors blowing up people because they happen to live in the wrong country. Bush doesn’t kill civilians (at least not intentionally). We’ll give Bush the nod here.
vs Mugabe: If the Bush administration is dumb, Mugabe’s government is beneath retarded. (That’s not a moral issue, but just had to mention it.) The Republican party doesn’t actually go out beating up Democrats and jail them for trying to run for office. Mugabe prefers a more pro-active approach to maintaining his power. Advantage: Bush.
vs Chavez: Chavez has been active in suppressing media unfavorable to his cause and attempted to change the constitution so he could run unlimited times for office. But then again, Bush doesn’t have a problem kidnapping terrorist suspects on foreign soil and using “alternative interrogation techniques”. We’ll call this one a draw.
*A bit tongue in cheek, but still stepping on eggshells here.
Your winner!
Congratulations to Judge Roy Pearson for winning the first ever Liquid Egg Product on the Face Award!
Judge Pearson and Senator Craig were the frontrunners, as I more or less expected. What I didn’t expect is the judge to jump out to such a large lead, and it looked like a blowout at first. But Senator Craig slowly crept back into contention, and Scot Pollard made a surprising charge in the end to tie with the congressman for second place.
As promised, I will attempt to contact the ex-judge and let him know of his victory. What a perfect Christmas gift.
The 2007 Liquid Egg Product on the Face Award winner should be…
- Judge Roy L. Pearson: $67 million lawsuit for lost pair of pants (37%)
- Senator Larry Craig: requested gay sex in public restroom (26%)
- Scot Pollard: told kids to use drugs on TV (26%)
- Duane “Dog” Chapman: called son’s gf a n*****; son leaked tape (5%)
- Jonathan Ogden: “dances” in auto insurance commercial (5%)
- Christopher Emmeroy: disrespected bank robber (0%)
Total Votes: 19
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