Irony is people who complain about how useless science is while typing their opinion on the Internet.

Then when someone points out the Internet required science to be created, they will counter “that’s not science, that’s technology”.

Um. Three fighting scenes with progressively more eyeball loss (0, 1, and 2 respectively). The last two are bloody and not for the faint-hearted.

Even though you’ve seen pictures of me, Mr. E, and Egg Fu Yung, admit it. Most of you don’t really think eggs are sentient. But most people seem to believe that chickens are sentient (I don’t understand the difference, but whatever.)

So maybe this SHOCKING report from the AP will SHOCK you into avoiding eating eggs: the egg industry kills 200 million male chicks a year. (”Male chicks” as in male baby chickens, not hot babes that are really guys.)

They use a process called “instantaneous euthanasia”: male chicks are dropped alive into grinding machines. I suppose this does kill them right quick. But when you go out on a Friday night, do you say to your friends “Hey, let’s find a conveyor belt that will throw us into a grinding machine?” At least, when you’re not drunk. No, right? It doesn’t sound like fun.

Why do they do this? Because the males are not “profitable”–they can’t manufacture eggs, and they aren’t good enough for meat. It’s kinda a reverse sexism.

So the lesson? DON’T EAT EGGS, unless you are a sadist or sexist or sexist sadist.

Source: AP Exclusive: Video shows chicks ground up alive

For the uninitiated: this is the song that plays at Dolphins games after they score a touchdown (even they’re getting destroyed 34-7. The irony of hearing “Miami Dolphins #1″ at these points was surely not lost on anyone but the very young or terminally clueless.)

They even hired T-Pain to hip-hopize it:

But the true evil…well, you know the rumor that by playing heavy metal music backwards, you’d hear Satanic lyrics? It was spread by Don Shula to deflect attention from the Dolphins’ fight song, which played backwards is a chilling combination of English and Demonic tongues:

If you keep bugging me about using a strong password, let me use one with symbols.

Or is it that you’re too cheap to hire programmers that know how to defend against an SQL injection attack?

We leave you with this.

Have a good weekend.

For the 4th of July, Sworn Enemy lived up to her name by making ice cream–by killing eggs. I don’t even want to know how many they killed. This violates the Geneva Convention or something. Everyone to go to her site and tell her she’s a murderer.

Maybe if Kevin Borseth were coaching the NBA instead of Michigan women’s basketball, he would have gotten the attention he deserved.

I’ve given up on reading newspaper comic strips a long time ago. Not because they’re “for kids”, but because they are hit-or-miss, with the emphasis on the miss.

But while waiting for some rice to finish cooking, I perused Yahoo! News for a bit and saw a link to the comics at the bottom. The rationale for clicking it? “Sure, why not, it’s been months since I’ve read the comics…”

A stark reminder of why comics have been website non grata. (Naturally, the goggles did nothing.)

Now if I were the guy writing the strip, I’d go to my editor and say, “Hey, look, I know you’re expecting another strip tomorrow, but it’s the least funny strip ever made. Literally. I prefer that my legacy not be ‘that guy who wrote the worst joke in the history of the planet’, so consider this my official letter of resignation.”

Certainly, there’s pressure on the comic strip writer because there has to be something everyday. But there’s just some point where you just have to give up. (Incidentally, I got an e-mail from someone who thought I could end up doing some type of production with LEP full-time. While very flattering, it would suck a lot of the fun out of it.)

If LEP ever hires a spokesperson, this woman might be the one:

Quite possibly the most useless world record ever.