If you can’t tell, the trophy’s of some invisible hand about to pour liquid egg product on the smiley’s face. Ha! Hilarious.
The body of the trophy is crafted polyethylene, coated with a layer of gold (paint). The Styrofoam base supports the body, spray-painted to give it a granite-like appearance. The lightweight materials enable the trophy to be easily transported and positioned, even for young children.
The nameplate will be affixed next week once the winner is determined. Rather than using duct tape (which would look incredibly cheap) the nameplate will be bonded to the faux-granite base using name brand Elmer’s glue.
Haven’t voted yet? Cast your vote for the 2007 Liquid Egg Product on the Face Award!
December 13th, 2007
8 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under CG, Weaksauce Losers
Voting for the 2007 Liquid Egg Product on the Face Award is now open!
Voting will be open until December 18, I think. Technically, it’s a one-person, one-vote, but if you find a way to stuff the ballot box, I’m not going to care all that much.
I will actually attempt to contact the winner to let him know he won…so we’ll see how that goes (apparently there were no worthy female candidates; make of that what you will).
(Jump straight to the voting.)
 |
Judge Roy L. Pearson: A dry cleaner lost his pants, so he sued for $67 million. Broke down crying on the witness stand when talking about his lost pants. Lost the lawsuit, and his job shortly after. Read more here and here. |
| Scot Pollard: Told kids to use drugs on TV. Discovered not everyone appreciated the humor value of the joke. (video) |
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Senator Larry Craig: Busted in a sting operation for soliciting gay sex in a public bathroom. Pled guilty; later claimed he was innocent. Generally made a mess out of his political career. (story) |
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Jonathan Ogden: Professional athlete who “acted” and “danced” in a car insurance commercial. Pseudo-flexed when the jingle lyrics said “power”. Giggled maniacally at the end of the commercial. Proved even offensive linemen can get beautiful female groupies, of sorts. (video) |
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Christopher Emmorey: This bank robber waited for the teller to fill out paperwork during his heist. Teller charged him a $5 service fee for not being a bank customer, and he paid it. Cops overheard him asking neighbors to collude on his alibi. (story) |
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Duane “Dog” Chapman: Repeatedly called his son’s girlfriend a n*****. His son secretly recorded one of his tirades and sold it to the tabloids. Production of the TV series starring Chapman has been suspended. (story) |
The 2007 Liquid Egg Product on the Face Award winner should be…
- Judge Roy L. Pearson: $67 million lawsuit for lost pair of pants (37%)
- Senator Larry Craig: requested gay sex in public restroom (26%)
- Scot Pollard: told kids to use drugs on TV (26%)
- Duane “Dog” Chapman: called son’s gf a n*****; son leaked tape (5%)
- Jonathan Ogden: “dances” in auto insurance commercial (5%)
- Christopher Emmeroy: disrespected bank robber (0%)
Total Votes: 19
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December 12th, 2007
17 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Patently Ineffective, Weaksauce Losers
It’s close to the end of 2007, and it’s time for the First Annual Liquid Egg Product on the Face Award! (For you non-Americans, we have an expression to “have egg on one’s face” which means that person’s done or said something foolishly embarrassing.)
The award honors the person who managed to be the most entertainingly stupid. And you, dear reader, get a hand in determining the winner!
We’re looking for your candidates! Leave in the comments, and we’ll probably keep a total of 6 or 7 to vote on. Suggestions must be in by Tuesday, Dec 11, and voting starts Wednesday, Dec 12 (it’ll be open for several days to give people time).
CLARIFICATION: Do not vote on one of these four guys now! What I’m looking for is a few more worthy candidates. Then we will vote next week.
Here are a few suggestions from the Mascot and I:
Jonathan Ogden: Albeit a professional athlete doing a TV commercial is shooting fish in a barrel. (video)
Judge Roy L. Pearson: The $67 million pants guy. If you’ve been living in a hole, you can re-live the saga here, here, and here.
Christopher Emmeroy: This bank robber waited for the teller to fill out paperwork during his heist. Nothing else went right for him, either. (story)
Scot Pollard: Told kids to use drugs on national TV. (video)
[Mascot: Actually, I was wondering why you aren't on the list.]
[Donnie: You know that employees, owners, and shareholders of liquideggproduct.com are not eligible for the award, right?]
[Mascot: Darn! Do I at least get a vote?]
[Donnie: Yes, we both get a vote.]
[Mascot: Yay!]
December 4th, 2007
12 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Patently Ineffective, Weaksauce Losers
The Miami Dolphins, 0-11, played at home against the also-inept New York Jets (2-9). Miami was favored by Las Vegas oddsmakers to get their first win of the season.
Final: Jets 40, Dolphins 13. All is right with the world.
December 2nd, 2007
10 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Patently Ineffective, Sports, Weaksauce Losers
Someone needs to work on improving the excuse machine.
Juan Arreola was looking after his girlfriend’s 2-year-old son one day. He punched the son twice, and undoubtedly did a bit more. The kid ended up with bruises over his face and back, plus some brain bleeding and was taken to the hospital.
His stated reason for beating up the 2-year-old?
When Northampton County Judge F.P. Kimberly McFadden asked Arreola Friday if that’s how he regularly treated 2-year-olds, he replied: “I was working till midnight. I’m not a morning person.”
October 23rd, 2007
6 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under In the News, Weaksauce Losers
[Hot and allegedly hot female day, post 3]
Say hi to Kari, everyone!
Kari 3.1’s really great, because I don’t have to worry about stuff like buying flowers, deciding on a restaurant, or being bugged about when we’re getting married. Meeting Kari was easy; it’s not like I had to go out and meet anyone, spend time getting to know her, then have the guts to ask her out. Plus I have full control over her personality, appearance and actions. Er…
(BTW, I’m not really using this program. If anyone wants to give it a whirl, let us know how it is.)
October 22nd, 2007
9 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Babes & Alleged Babes, CG, Science/Technology, Weaksauce Losers
The 6-0 Patriots are far better than the 0-6 Dolphins, and it’s hard not to expect a certain result. But I didn’t expect the Dolphins to look worse than Baylor. Shrimpy white guy Wes Welker already has another 100 yard receiving game (Randy Moss does too) as the Patriots lead 42-7. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention it’s only halftime. Please continue to enjoy the 2nd half, Derek, BDK, and Greg.
It’s telling when the radio guys at halftime are focusing on the positives for the Fins: they were happy the team was able to trade Chris Chambers for a second round pick this week. (They forgot Ronnie Brown is having a good game, with 66 yards running.)
On the other hand, it’s never been a great time to be a Texans fan. They’re down 22-7 at halftime.
October 21st, 2007
6 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Sports, Weaksauce Losers
Yay! It’s me, everyone’s favorite egg, the Liquid Egg Product Mascot, and I’m out of the hospital. Whoopee! (Check out my recent picture at the top right. I look as good as new!)
Anyway, um, Donnie said I should write about some relevant, newsworthy topic, so let’s see…oh, Isiah [sic] Thomas. He’s always fun!
Isiah [sic] Thomas and the Madison Square Garden were found guilty of sexual harassing former MSG executive Anucha Browne Sanders, and the Garden has to cough up over $10 million. If the judge really wants to make a statement, he’ll make MSG pay in euros instead of dollars.
Isiah [sic] Thomas needs to hire some smart lawyers next time.
The slam-dunk ruling in Manhattan Federal Court was stunning setback for Thomas and MSG boss James Dolan, whose lawyers were so confident of winning they wrapped up their defense early - and didn’t bother putting their last six witnesses on the stand.
Idiots. Here’s all they had to do: they’re defense lawyers, which means they’re scum anyway. They had nothing to lose by going the lowbrow route:
Defense lawyer: Your honor, I called Ms. Sanders to the stand not to question her, but to make sure everyone sees her in good lighting conditions.
Judge: And what relevance does this have to the case?
Defense lawyer: The relevance, your honor, is this: does she look like a woman anyone, much less Isiah [sic] Thomas, would want to sexually harass?
Judge: [ponders briefly, then throws down the gavel] Case dismissed.
That would have convinced me.
October 3rd, 2007
6 comments
Posted by Liquid E. P. Mascot
Filed under Patently Ineffective, Sports, Weaksauce Losers
Tonight I ran across some gasbag who decided to create his/her own award for blogs that make you think. It’s called the “Thinking Blogger Award”, and it’s really just a slightly more clever version of those somewhat annoying memes you might see floating around. Which, of course, I would never participate in. Oh, right…
Anyway, I haven’t been nominated for that “Thinking Blogger Award”. (And even if that did happen, I would probably reject it just to preserve its sanctity.) However, I decided if a random dude/dudette can create some sort of honor out of thin air, so can I! Plus, I’d have two different size awards instead of just one. So it’s…better…er…
Perhaps the Worthless Blogger Award is of dubious use, since the majority of blogs would be well- to overly-qualified to “win” this distinction. Think of it as one of those “Certificates of Participation” you received in elementary school so you wouldn’t feel bad, even though you didn’t come close to having enough talent to actually win one of the real awards for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place.
If you’re on my blogroll…um…I guess you’ve just been nominated to receive the “award” as well. And if you’re wondering how the Mascot all of a sudden has hands now, I suggest you improve your skill at suspension of disbelief.
[Edit: OK, I'm sick of posting now. Think I'll quit for a few days...]
September 27th, 2007
5 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Weaksauce Losers
