The 6-0 Patriots are far better than the 0-6 Dolphins, and it’s hard not to expect a certain result. But I didn’t expect the Dolphins to look worse than Baylor. Shrimpy white guy Wes Welker already has another 100 yard receiving game (Randy Moss does too) as the Patriots lead 42-7. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention it’s only halftime. Please continue to enjoy the 2nd half, Derek, BDK, and Greg.
It’s telling when the radio guys at halftime are focusing on the positives for the Fins: they were happy the team was able to trade Chris Chambers for a second round pick this week. (They forgot Ronnie Brown is having a good game, with 66 yards running.)
On the other hand, it’s never been a great time to be a Texans fan. They’re down 22-7 at halftime.
October 21st, 2007
6 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Sports, Weaksauce Losers
Yay! It’s me, everyone’s favorite egg, the Liquid Egg Product Mascot, and I’m out of the hospital. Whoopee! (Check out my recent picture at the top right. I look as good as new!)
Anyway, um, Donnie said I should write about some relevant, newsworthy topic, so let’s see…oh, Isiah [sic] Thomas. He’s always fun!
Isiah [sic] Thomas and the Madison Square Garden were found guilty of sexual harassing former MSG executive Anucha Browne Sanders, and the Garden has to cough up over $10 million. If the judge really wants to make a statement, he’ll make MSG pay in euros instead of dollars.
Isiah [sic] Thomas needs to hire some smart lawyers next time.
The slam-dunk ruling in Manhattan Federal Court was stunning setback for Thomas and MSG boss James Dolan, whose lawyers were so confident of winning they wrapped up their defense early - and didn’t bother putting their last six witnesses on the stand.
Idiots. Here’s all they had to do: they’re defense lawyers, which means they’re scum anyway. They had nothing to lose by going the lowbrow route:
Defense lawyer: Your honor, I called Ms. Sanders to the stand not to question her, but to make sure everyone sees her in good lighting conditions.
Judge: And what relevance does this have to the case?
Defense lawyer: The relevance, your honor, is this: does she look like a woman anyone, much less Isiah [sic] Thomas, would want to sexually harass?
Judge: [ponders briefly, then throws down the gavel] Case dismissed.
That would have convinced me.
October 3rd, 2007
6 comments
Posted by The Mascot
Filed under Patently Ineffective, Sports, Weaksauce Losers
Tonight I ran across some gasbag who decided to create his/her own award for blogs that make you think. It’s called the “Thinking Blogger Award”, and it’s really just a slightly more clever version of those somewhat annoying memes you might see floating around. Which, of course, I would never participate in. Oh, right…
Anyway, I haven’t been nominated for that “Thinking Blogger Award”. (And even if that did happen, I would probably reject it just to preserve its sanctity.) However, I decided if a random dude/dudette can create some sort of honor out of thin air, so can I! Plus, I’d have two different size awards instead of just one. So it’s…better…er…
Perhaps the Worthless Blogger Award is of dubious use, since the majority of blogs would be well- to overly-qualified to “win” this distinction. Think of it as one of those “Certificates of Participation” you received in elementary school so you wouldn’t feel bad, even though you didn’t come close to having enough talent to actually win one of the real awards for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place.
If you’re on my blogroll…um…I guess you’ve just been nominated to receive the “award” as well. And if you’re wondering how the Mascot all of a sudden has hands now, I suggest you improve your skill at suspension of disbelief.
[Edit: OK, I'm sick of posting now. Think I'll quit for a few days...]
September 27th, 2007
5 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Weaksauce Losers
The Mascot continued to shout piratey inanities even after I parried his assassination attempt.
I must apologize for yesterday, when the Mascot filled in for me. It looks like all he did was say “ye” every other word and “Arrrr” every other sentence. Plus he was supposed to respond to your comments, which he never did, so I will get around to doing so in his stead.
He wasn’t kidding about trying to kill me. After getting back home last night, the Mascot jumped out from behind a bush sort of dressed like Captain Morgan and brandishing a cutlass. He started blabbering stuff like “It be servin’ ye right if ye get killed by a mutineerin’ pirate,” and other such nonsense. The only reason I couldn’t kick his butt is because he doesn’t have one. He’s a completely inept fighter and is currently receiving care at whatever hospital eggs go to when they need surgery.
I doubt the Mascot will make a return anytime soon, but he is under contract, so I might as well get as much mileage out of him as possible.
September 20th, 2007
10 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Entertainment, Weaksauce Losers
Tomorrow, I will be gone on business which is unfortunate timing, really. That’s because September 19 is Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I won’t be able to be with you (so to speak) for the celebrations.
The Liquid Egg Product Mascot will be filling in tomorrow with all sorts of piratey goodness (or at least, that’s what’s supposed to happen). So check it out! It’s going to be novel! It’s going to be piratey! And it’s probably going to be…lame…
September 18th, 2007
4 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Weaksauce Losers
Yahoo!’s Odd News can be a great source of entertainment, awe, or wisdom. Today’s batch has wisdom for aspiring criminal masterminds.
- When robbing a bank, don’t write the note demanding money on one of your own checks. (Story)
- After getting out of jail, wait at least one day before committing your next crime. (Story)
- Unless you know how to fight, don’t be surprised if the “victim” opens a can of whoopie on you. (Story)
September 12th, 2007
4 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under In the News, Weaksauce Losers
Fred Kaplan of Slate has a fun article, Who Disbanded the Iraqi Army? These excerpts frighten me:
“The policy had been to keep the [Iraqi] army intact; didn’t happen,” Bush told Draper. Asked how he had reacted to Bremer’s reversal, Bush replied, “Yeah, I can’t remember. I’m sure I said, ‘This is the policy, what happened?’ “
Many stories have since been told about the dysfunctional nature of the Bush administration—the many instances when a decision would be made, in some cases by the president himself, only to be reversed or simply ignored by (most often) Rumsfeld and/or Cheney.
Despite the almost-certainty that John Kerry would not have been a great president, there are too many times when I wish he (or Gore in 2000) had won.
A week before the 2004 election, I’d planned on voting Kerry (see Kerry Haters for Kerry!), some reasons being it was time for a different face for international relations, not to mention Bush isn’t exactly president material. But when I saw that JFK wasn’t beating a weak GWB, that frightened me. How competent could someone be who has a tough time convincing people he’s better than Bush? Throw in that a couple Supreme Court justices would probably die soon, my decision was sealed (at that point, I’d rather have had the next justice be conversative). I voted for Bush.
If I had cast the election in its proper light—not Bush vs Kerry, but Kerry/Edwards vs Cheney/Rumsfeld—the decision would have been more obvious and less agonizing.
September 10th, 2007
12 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under History, In the News, Weaksauce Losers
Me + strength training =
- desperately necessary
- feelings of inadequacy
- hernia
- exhausted muscles unable to contract for half an hour
- another hernia
September 5th, 2007
2 comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Weaksauce Losers
The Humane Society wants you to tell amazon.com to stop selling materials that promote animal fights.
Catch: you have to opt-in to receiving “periodic updates” in order to send the message.
It might almost be worth it since they let you edit the subject line and half the message, but who knows if someone’s screening the entries.
August 29th, 2007
no comments
Posted by Donnie
Filed under Weaksauce Losers
thank...