A “Burqa King” franchise of stores would be the perfect way to introduce Afghanis to the benefits of a free market system.
Yes. I’m sorry. So, so sorry.
(In case you’re truly aren’t aware, this is a take-off of the Burger King logo.)
McDonald’s will never be confused with haute cuisine, and I never go because I crave their food. But a couple weeks ago, I made a quick stop by the Golden Arches for a quick, convenient bite. Lo and behold, they are holding that Monopoly game this month.
With certain food items, you get these playing pieces that mostly correspond with Monopoly properties (free food items are also possible). Getting all of the properties of the same color earns you get a prize. The 3 light blue properties, Oriental, Vermont, and Connecticut Avenues (kinda cheapo properties in the game) will win $100. Boardwalk and Park Place are a cool $1,000,000. That first, fateful trip, two of the orange properties fell under my control (all 3 are worth $1,000), and I’ve gone back to McDonald’s several times in the hopes of securing the elusive third orange.
Now I’m no fool. The game is controlled by having one of the properties in each set rare, while the rest are common. My two oranges were both the common ones*. In reality, I’m not close to winning anything at all. But it’s a weird sort of siren call that keeps me coming back, and hoping to get just the right stroke of luck. Actually, that probably does make me a fool.
Once the game ends, of course, I’m not going back to McDonald’s until the next Monopoly game. Probably not even to redeem these free food prizes.
OK, so. My source finally sent me the lewd cell phone pics allegedly sent by the Mascot. Unfortunately (or fortunately for him), his face doesn’t actually show, so it’s not definitive proof.
But, it sounds like something he would do, so I’m going to assume they’re from him. Please don’t make fun of his lack of, um, substance.
WARNING: ALL THESE PICS ARE NSFW!
The Mascot has been suspended with pay while being investigated for sexual harassment. He is alleged to have been sending cellphone pictures of his penis to Shelly, the female staffer of LEP.
While Shelly herself has so far refused to corroborate the story, the third-party source is considered highly reliable.
It’s further rumored that the Mascot mentioned something about wanting to be “just like my hero, Brett Favre”, but these could not immediately be confirmed.
Stay tuned for further updates as this story develops. Our source is supposed to send the alleged photos later tonight.
: Hey, Donnie, I have a question. About human males.
: OK…
: What percentage of guys would have sex with Nancy Pelosi just to say they boned someone famous?
: Um. Probably more than would actually admit it.
: What about you?
: No.
: Your goatee looks kinda dumb, to be honest.
: Yeah, thanks.
I think Quaker Oats is ashamed they hitched their star to Cap’n Crunch. But the public clamored for more transparency about this so-called “icon”, and we got this:
4’11″ and 102 lbs. (150 cm and 46 kg) Seriously? That guy is a wimp! I could completely kick his butt in a fight. Not to mention in “dueling”, don’t they use guns and possibly kill their opponents? Not the best example for kids.
So, I don’t see why he gets to have his own cereal, and I don’t.
OK, so. In the United States we’re fighting about how to deal with the economy, including spending, health care, and all that kind of thing.
If you look at me, I’m considered pretty well educated, reasonably knowledgeable on current events and, unbelievably, a relatively smart guy (if I’m above average, how awful must average be?) But it’s obvious (to me) I don’t have the education or knowledge to have an opinion that’s worth anything. I doubt half of Congress has done sufficient research either, along with 80% of the people that are so sure they know which direction the country should go.
And among the people that know enough to have a decent opinion, they have different points of view because there are reasonable arguments to be made supporting their conflicting opinions.
Economics is not like engineering or (certain) mathematics. We can’t develop precise models and there will always be uncertainty.
I’ve just had it up to here with “liberals are fascist pinko commies” and “conservatives hate the poor and the black”.
Some months ago, Texans linebacker Brian Cushing was busted for testing positive for a banned drug and received a 4 game suspension.
He ended up saying he feared that he had a malignant tumor that was producing the banned substance. Now he’s trying to excuse the positive test on having trained too hard.
I’m still wondering how he was able to keep his Rookie of the Year award.
Remember some of these types of statements people were making after 9/11?
“We aren’t going to change America because of some fanatic loonies.”
“Those terrorists can’t make us live in fear.”
Et cetera. Guess what? People are freaking out because a mosque is going to built near Ground Zero.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
While not scientific, 82% of the people in a MSNBC survey opposed the mosque. It’s likely many, if not most, of you readers agree with them.
I’d like you to explain why my dismay is unfounded.
In the United States, we have to be so careful about the foods we shop for. Below is an aggregation of deceptive or tricky food labels I’ve encountered. If you have any to add, let me know in the comments. I’ll try to update this list from time to time.
Red Flags
Juice: The label should say 100% juice. If it doesn’t, you’re getting mostly sugar water. “Juice drink”, “juice beverage”, “made with real juice” and the like are guarantees there’s not much real fruit.
Even if it’s 100% juice, it’s still a little tricky. If you see something like “Cranberry Juice with another juice”, that other juice is apple juice, always. And apple juice will be the greatest percentage of the juice mix, because it’s inexpensive. Unfortunately, it’s not much healthier than sugar water. (Most other juices have greater health benefits.)
Made with [healthy ingredient]: It contains a pitiful amount of the healthy ingredient, just enough so it can legally put on the label. A specific example is bread (which is REALLY confusing); you don’t want “made with whole wheat”, you want “100% whole wheat”.
Reduced Fat: The sugar and/or salt have been increased. Similarly, reduced sugar or salt likely means an increase in something else bad. Compare the nutrition labels to the regular version of the product to see what changed.
No trans fats: Almost always an unhealthy food that’s high in fat, sugar and/or salt.
Electrolytes: Salt.
Deceptive ingredient labels: The ingredient label must be listed in order of descending composition (so the product contains the highest percentage of the first ingredient). A Smuckers strawberry jelly label had “strawberries” as the first ingredient. Sounds good, right? Problem is that the next 4 ingredients were simply different forms of sugar (corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, sugar, and something else). In reality, there’s much more sugar than fruit, but the label is deceptive.
Made with sugar, not high fructose corn syrup: Somehow, the food industry has turned sugar into a health food. In terms of calories, sugar is equal to high fructose corn syrup. If you actually prefer sugar to HFCS, that’s fine, but the change won’t help you shed pounds. And the food itself is probably not that healthy.
Yellow Flags
Diet: Read the label to make sure you’re getting what you’re expecting. Sometimes it’s OK, but sometimes there are nasty surprises. A low calorie, but high sodium food is a common offender.
Organic: It does not mean “healthy”. Regular rules apply.
Natural: It also does not mean “healthy”. Regular rules apply.
