Great moments in history
Blunderprone’s history of chess series is great, but he doesn’t have a post dedicated to Paul Morphy. So I’ll do it.
Paul Morphy is called “the Pride and Sorrow of Chess”. He was an unofficial World Champion for a while because they didn’t have official World Champions. Then he retired because he was too good. And according to many sources, he died from a stroke while taking a cold bath.
At least, that’s what we’ve been told. And if you’re OK with listening to “The Establishment”, then that is good enough for you.
But I did more research, and now you’ll get “the rest of the story”.
When Bobby Fischer became World Champion in 1972, he thought he was the best American chess player ever. Then in April 1973, he heard about this Morphy guy. In a jealous rage, he was determined to make sure no one thought Morphy was as good as him. So he learned how to time travel and confronted his fellow American chess genius in 1858. Fischer stabbed Morphy in the stomach, making sure to do non-fatally (see picture), and said “If you don’t retire from chess, I’ll finish the job.” So that’s why Morphy retired.
Unsatisfied, Fischer decided to finish the job. A few months later, he time-traveled to 1884 and force-fed Morphy a McRib sandwich. As Fischer calculated, the shock and revulsion at the low standards of the McRib stunned Morphy’s brain, causing the fatal stroke.
But Fischer’s time traveling caused him to become crazy. So that’s why he didn’t defend his title and became rabidly anti-Semitic.
Flashbacks (for you new people):
Great moments in history #4
Great moments in history #3
Great moments in history #2
Great moments in history #1
there’s an alex chiu joke in here somewhere, but i am too sick to think of a witty one.
Reply to annieThere’s a flaw in your story. Morphy was stabbed in 1858, but the first color photograph was taken in 1861. So your re-enactment picture should be in black and white.
@Annie: Hope you feel better! Practice some Tai Chi moves to help!
Reply to Egg Fu YungMAscot, you are SUCH a poser. What would Batgirl think? She’s an affectionado of Morphy and has covered him quite extensively including his shoe fetish.
Reply to blunderproneI am just so excited that this series is back that I can barely stand it! It is so cool to finally learn the real story of Morphy’s death.
Reply to RobertMcRib rocks. McDonalds without McRib is like the U1200 section without Knights DLM. Its empty.
Reply to Anonymous@Annie: Me too, but I was going for real history, not jokes. Don’t worry, Alex Chiu should be making an appearance very soon.
@Egg Fu Yung: No, the first KNOWN color photograph is from 1861. The time period’s close enough so a color photo from 1858 is plausble.
@Blunderprone: Who cares what Batgirl thinks? I’d just go up to her and say “Wanna fly back to my cave?” Then she wouldn’t even think about Morphy.
@Robert: Seriously, it’s been way too long. I was looking at the Oppenheimer one (brilliant suggestion on your part), and nostalgia took over from there.
@Knight De La Maza: (Yeah, I know it’s you.) How dare you besmirch their good name? I heard some of the Knights play in U1600 sections!
Reply to The MascotWhy is the whole color photograph thing even an issue? 3 of the other 4 Great Moments in History are before the age of photography, should we then contest the fact that it isn’t painted for realism?
Reply to AllenCan’t you tell the difference between a drawing and a photograph? The Paul Morphy one was a photo. The Caesar and Phillip of Macedonia ones were a drawing. Obviously.
Reply to Egg Fu Yung