I find this as frightening as you do
This is a big day in the history of Liquid Egg Product. That smiling egg you see in the picture is now the website’s official mascot! Here’s the exclusive interview I had with him.
Me: So tell the readers, what was it about my page that attracted you?
LEP Mascot: I couldn’t get a gig anywhere else, and you’re actually willing to pay me. So now I know what it feels like to be an illegal immigrant. Sometimes you have to take the work no one else wants to do.
Me: Um…right. You sound a little bitter.
LEP Mascot: Let me tell you something. I tried to get a job hawking Liquid Egg Product cereal. Kellogg’s, General Mills, Post, and Quaker—they all turned me down. But they’re billion dollar companies, and I can see why they don’t need me. Competing against Tony the Tiger and Cap’n Crunch…
Me: You were fighting tradition. That’s tough!
LEP Mascot: But getting laughed out of Malt-O-Meal HQ…that’s when I realized I had to start at the bottom. So I found the bottomest rung on the ladder I could find.
Me: [coughs] Yes, er, well, you get your first chance to strut yourself in a few days for Talk Like a Pirate Day. Feeling nervous?
LEP Mascot: I’m not sure which is more humiliating, being forced to talk like a pirate or being rejected by Malt-O-Meal.
Me: I guess we’re done here.
LEP Mascot: Righty-o.
you were on crack when you did this, weren’t you? donnie, donnie donnie. must lay off the rock. i will be seeing this expressionless grin in the dark as i try to sleep…
Comment by annie | 17 September 2007
awesome….interviews are the best posts…
Comment by chessloser | 18 September 2007
Great stuff I think I may have woken up everyone in the house with my laughing. Was just checking your site after a couple or so days, and let me say you write way too often. I don’t see any of the posts I last saw… It makes me look bad…:-(
jk.
Comment by l3rucewayne | 18 September 2007
I was hoping that if there was an interview it would involve Alex Chiu…
Comment by Allen | 18 September 2007
@Annie: The original sketch was done at work, so your hypothesis isn’t that far off.
The more I look at the Mascot’s grin, the more I see vibes of creepy pseudo-happiness. So sorry for any nightmares.
@Chessloser: Even if you’re interviewing an alter ego?
@l3rucewayne: I’ll try to be less funny in the future.
This past week, my posting rate has been way too frequent (3-4/day); the average is more like 2. You can always use the calendar to look at old posts.
@Allen: Don’t worry, I still want to do that interview. Just haven’t gotten around to trying to set it up.
Comment by Donnie | 18 September 2007
ESPECIALLY if you are interviewing an alter ego…
Comment by chessloser | 18 September 2007
I was convinced there were no actual eggs involved in liquid egg product.
Comment by Derek Slater | 18 September 2007
Derek has a point, if anything the mascot should be a carton of that ungodly egg concoction
Comment by Allen | 19 September 2007
@Chessloser: Lol. I actually consider the concept a bit…unnerving.
@Derek: I thought so too until I read the ingredients. Liquid egg product is mostly real eggs (a real disappointment).
@Allen: Yes, you’re right. But it’s quicker to draw an oval than to try to make a kinda 3D looking-box.
Comment by Donnie | 19 September 2007
Bummer. What is this world coming to?
Comment by Derek Slater | 19 September 2007
You know I just realized something. How does the LEP Mascot interview compare to your company’s recent interviews? Certainly the LEP Mascot interview was more… entertaining?
Comment by Allen | 20 September 2007
@Derek: A return to real food for the masses.
@Allen: They were all pretty similar: I ask for so little, and that’s exactly what I get.
Comment by Donnie | 20 September 2007