I find this as frightening as you do
This is a big day in the history of Liquid Egg Product. That smiling egg you see in the picture is now the website’s official mascot! Here’s the exclusive interview I had with him.
Me: So tell the readers, what was it about my page that attracted you?
LEP Mascot: I couldn’t get a gig anywhere else, and you’re actually willing to pay me. So now I know what it feels like to be an illegal immigrant. Sometimes you have to take the work no one else wants to do.
Me: Um…right. You sound a little bitter.
LEP Mascot: Let me tell you something. I tried to get a job hawking Liquid Egg Product cereal. Kellogg’s, General Mills, Post, and Quaker—they all turned me down. But they’re billion dollar companies, and I can see why they don’t need me. Competing against Tony the Tiger and Cap’n Crunch…
Me: You were fighting tradition. That’s tough!
LEP Mascot: But getting laughed out of Malt-O-Meal HQ…that’s when I realized I had to start at the bottom. So I found the bottomest rung on the ladder I could find.
Me: [coughs] Yes, er, well, you get your first chance to strut yourself in a few days for Talk Like a Pirate Day. Feeling nervous?
LEP Mascot: I’m not sure which is more humiliating, being forced to talk like a pirate or being rejected by Malt-O-Meal.
Me: I guess we’re done here.
LEP Mascot: Righty-o.
you were on crack when you did this, weren’t you? donnie, donnie donnie. must lay off the rock. i will be seeing this expressionless grin in the dark as i try to sleep…
Reply to annieawesome….interviews are the best posts…
Reply to chessloserGreat stuff I think I may have woken up everyone in the house with my laughing. Was just checking your site after a couple or so days, and let me say you write way too often. I don’t see any of the posts I last saw… It makes me look bad…:-(
Reply to l3rucewaynejk.
I was hoping that if there was an interview it would involve Alex Chiu…
Reply to Allen@Annie: The original sketch was done at work, so your hypothesis isn’t that far off.
The more I look at the Mascot’s grin, the more I see vibes of creepy pseudo-happiness. So sorry for any nightmares.
@Chessloser: Even if you’re interviewing an alter ego?
@l3rucewayne: I’ll try to be less funny in the future.
This past week, my posting rate has been way too frequent (3-4/day); the average is more like 2. You can always use the calendar to look at old posts.
@Allen: Don’t worry, I still want to do that interview. Just haven’t gotten around to trying to set it up.
Reply to DonnieESPECIALLY if you are interviewing an alter ego…
Reply to chessloserI was convinced there were no actual eggs involved in liquid egg product.
Reply to Derek SlaterDerek has a point, if anything the mascot should be a carton of that ungodly egg concoction
Reply to Allen@Chessloser: Lol. I actually consider the concept a bit…unnerving.
@Derek: I thought so too until I read the ingredients. Liquid egg product is mostly real eggs (a real disappointment).
@Allen: Yes, you’re right. But it’s quicker to draw an oval than to try to make a kinda 3D looking-box.
Reply to DonnieBummer. What is this world coming to?
Reply to Derek SlaterYou know I just realized something. How does the LEP Mascot interview compare to your company’s recent interviews? Certainly the LEP Mascot interview was more… entertaining?
Reply to Allen@Derek: A return to real food for the masses.
@Allen: They were all pretty similar: I ask for so little, and that’s exactly what I get.
Reply to Donnie