Most criminals are still idiots
1. Corpse ineligible for Social Security: Virgilio Cintron recently bit the dust. His roommate and another friend decided this would be their opportunity to get their hands on some quick cash. They put their friend’s corpse into an office chair, and wheeled him over to a check-cashing store to cash his most recent Social Security check.
Needless to say, they caused some comment in the streets, and a detective took notice. During their failed attempt (they were about to wheel the corpse in, because it needed to be there in person), the cops swung by to make the arrest.
2. Thief takes a stab at it: (We re-enacted this story; see picture.) A man attempted to steal some of hunting knives by stuffing them in his waistband. As he was fleeing the employees trying to stop him, he tripped and stabbed himself in the abdomen.
3. South Africa claims criminal non-mastermind. A man went to a police station, complaining his cell phone was stolen from him at gunpoint. The police called the phone’s number, only to hear the cell phone ringing in the man’s pocket.
: By the way don’t worry about me, that’s not real egg white; that’s ketchup. You can tell the stabbing’s fake because I’m still smiling.
you hear these kinds of stories all the time, but they’re so ridiculously stupid that they’re often hard to believe… but then again all it takes is watching “cops” on tv and it becomes obvious that these geniuses are really out there.
Comment by Chessaholic | 9 January 2008
The one stabbing himslef int eh stomach sounds like a candidate for a darwin award.
Comment by Blunderprone | 9 January 2008
btw kant tipe
Comment by Blunderprone | 9 January 2008
Just wanted to say the reenactment is well done! I’d love to see the Mascot’s reenactment of other great moments in history.
Comment by Wahrheit | 9 January 2008
blunderprone beat me to the punch. Immediately I though “Darwin Award Candidate”!
Comment by Polly | 9 January 2008
Must remember to scan my nephew’s drawing of what looks like The Mascot parachuting from a plane.
Comment by Kate Dino | 10 January 2008
Come to think of it, how old is the mascot? mutant egg humanoids might have extremely long life spans. He might be able to tell us the details in some historical events. Like the invention of the omelet perhaps…
Comment by l3rucewayne | 10 January 2008
Most criminals are still idiots
I presume that if there are smart criminals we don’t hear about them….:)
Comment by Tacticus Maximus | 10 January 2008
Oh, we so-called “mutant egg humanoids” have been in events all over history! The invention of the omelet was lead to hard times for us.
And I wanna see that drawing of me in a parachute. I already got one piece of fan art, so if I get more, maybe I can dedicate a whole section to it!
Comment by The Mascot | 10 January 2008
@Chessaholic: Sometimes, the cops on Cops will talk about the, er, mental inadequacies of the average criminal.
@Blunderprone/Polly: Yes, it would be perfect–although technically, a Darwin Award candidate has to remove himself from the gene pool. Say by death or castration.
@Wahrheit: This is a great idea, and look for this feature on Mondays to replace Monday Fighter! while I get more fortunes.
@Kate: Really? Oh, man, I’ve got to see that!
@l3rucewayne: Mutant egg humanoids seem to be very reticent to give out much personal information. I don’t know the Mascot’s real name, age, or anything like that.
@Tacticus: Um, um, um…probably. Stop poking holes in my post titles!
@Mascot: Yes, I think we have a couple new good reader-initiated features for the website. So get to work on them!
Comment by Donnie | 10 January 2008