My new gig
Over the weekend, I did some thinking and I just needed to face facts: as much as I enjoy you guys fawning over me, I’m just not making enough money. So now I’m working on becoming the official spokesman for the new “diet” company on the market, Mass Managers™! (Their slogan is “Stop Dieting. Start Losing.”; it’s not really a diet, it teaches you how to eat.)
Don’t worry; I’ll still be here, it’s not like Mass Managers™ is a full-time job– it’s mainly posing with weights, smiling bigger in the “after” picture, and tricking people into thinking that Mass Managers™ changed my entire life around. The good thing is that they don’t even make me put on make-up because my face is already perfect.
(Note from Donnie: I’m not really awake right now. Thanks for your understanding.)
all I saw of the first lines were “face facts: I’m just not making enough money”. my heart stopped. I thought you were pulling liquid egg product. I imagined work days filled with… work. no monday fighters. no oblong toothy face training its beady eyes on me. no chess games. OH THE HUMANITY.
thank God I kept reading. Donnie you really weren’t awake, you signed the wrong name on the post, you schizo.
Comment by annie | 29 January 2008
FIXED, thank you. Time to sleep.
ADDENDUM: I scolded the Mascot for signing my name to his post. (OOC: I was too tired to even find a way to stay in character.)
Comment by Donnie | 29 January 2008
dude, that mass managers really worked, i can see it in the picture.
Comment by chessloser | 29 January 2008
So all that weight lifting… made your arms longer?
Comment by Blunderprone | 30 January 2008
Wow, look at the clever use of perspective on the dumbbell in Mascot’s left hand! Unless… it’s just a lopsided dumbbell.
Comment by Sworn Enemy :) | 30 January 2008
Um…are you sure this Mass Managers is a real company, or is someone just making fun of Weight Watchers? I just Googled mass managers and this post is the second link, so they most definitely have no web presence.
Comment by Donnie | 30 January 2008
I think Mass Managers is a creative attempt to sell M&M candies as a weight loss product.
Comment by Allen | 30 January 2008
chessloser: Of course, it’s obvious, right? Just looking at it, doesn’t it make you want to jump into a free 14-day trial of Mass Managers™?
blunderprone: Any schmoe can lift weights…my new sexy body shape is because of the power of Mass Managers™.
caroline: Of course, there’s perspective, it’s a photo. Did you think they just Photoshopped the weights in there? Maybe you’d get a better perspective on life if you dedicated yourself to Mass Managers™.
donnie: Shut up, you. Your puny assertions are mocked by the geniuses over at Mass Managers™.
allen: You too. Shut up, you don’t know about the powers you’re dealing with, including the masses of people that will attribute the bodily perfection you can obtain with Mass Managers™.
Comment by The Mascot | 30 January 2008
so basically the mascot went from appendages the size of twigs to appendages the size of toothpicks. I don’t see the appeal of Mass Managers
Comment by Allen | 30 January 2008
I don’t either, but when they’re paying you $$$$…er, make that something that has value like ££££…you dance to the tune, man.
Comment by Donnie | 31 January 2008
The tune better be a jig
Comment by Allen | 31 January 2008
You should hear the Mass Managers jingle. If I can get permission, I’ll post it.
Comment by Donnie | 31 January 2008
All joking aside, the Mascot has never looked better than in the photo at right, I mean it’s okay to be skeptical but he’s showing results here, be a little supportive of someone trying to better himself and live the American dream, people!
Comment by Wahrheit | 31 January 2008
Clearly you don’t remember the Mascot dressed as Julius Caesar.
Comment by Allen | 31 January 2008