Pick-up line
For lunch break on Thursday, I ambulated along Griffin Road to pretend I occasionally exercise. (Kinda like drinking V8, so you can fake getting enough vegetables. It’s probably beneficial and better than nothing, but if it’s the only thing it probably won’t matter much in the long run.)
A young man of about 18 years, possibly East Indian with a hairstyle vaguely like mine, bicycled past me. It sounded like he said something to me, and I briefly considered ignoring it. Griffin Road has a fair amount of traffic, making hearing difficult, so it would have been easy to pretend not to hear him. But I decided to turn around.
He stopped, and asked me what I was doing (“Not much, just walking down the street during lunch break.”). Then he inquired if I worked, as if the shirt and tie weren’t a giveaway, and had any kids. (“Yes and no.”) He talked about how he worked, but needed a bit of cash until payday Friday. I gave him 3 bucks, and then he asked if I liked DVD’s.
I don’t remember the exact diction he used, but he implied it was smut. Besides the obvious retort (“You can get that stuff free on the Internet”), I merely declared a lack of interest. After his brief, poor sales pitch, we parted ways.
At least for a few minutes. He came back and stopped me again. He asked rhetorically whether I know that other men would have been mean, and mumbled a couple other things. Then he asked “Can I see your dick?”
I froze and wondered whether the traffic caused me to mishear. Then I asked him to make it clear. He stammered and went on for a little while until I just laughed and said “No! Sorry, that’s not me.” Then he said, “Well, I mean, it can’t hurt to ask,” to which I replied affirmatively although I know full well there are people who would have hurt him for asking.
Even ignoring the fact that I’m not gay and he’s possibly underage…the line “Can I see your dick?” doesn’t exactly crack the top 5 in best ways to start a relationship.
no laughter here. seriously, not so much deranged or rude as what my last and final therapist, a brilliantly cogent therapist of the almost brutally GESTALT kind, used to say:
“LACK OF BOUNDARIES”.
Reply to David K, SeattleYou should have responded in your Mascot voice.
Reply to Blue Devil Knight“You should have responded in your Mascot voice.”
Reply to Tacticus MaximusAfter reaching into your….pocket, and putting on your mascot gloves.
awesome. i “collect” surreal and strange encounters like that, it’s a story you will have for the rest of your life. i wouldn’t have given him cash though, i learned when people ask me for cash, i usually say “sorry, i was gonna ask you for cash,” and they laugh and go away.
for what it’s worth, a horrible way to start any conversation is “i’m not gay, but….”
Reply to chessloserYeah, I have to admit that pick up line never worked for me either. ” can I see your dick?” just didn’t fly well with the ladies… but that was back when i was drinking heavily and really had that phrase in reverse.
I’m much better now that i don’t drink. I’ve also developed healthier boundaries since those days, marginally… exceptions to “sharing violations” like my last paragraph that leaves otehr to so ” too much information”.
Reply to BlunderproneI think i shall get you some pepper spray and a nice loud whistle for christmas as you seem to be a magnet for characters such as these.
Reply to annieCan I see your dick? Has to go down with “Show me your tits” or “Blow me baby” as some pretty terrible pick up lines.
Something happened to me years ago in Hawaii. Middle of the day, it’s got to be like 3:00pm I’m downtown off one of the side streets, looking for a new dojo. At the time I was planning at competing in Nationals before work/school sucked up all of my time. Then this young man (most likely underage) comes up to me and asks me for the time. I tell him and he promptly asks if I’m looking for a date.
I have been propositioned before but never by a male prostitute. What further threw me off was that it was freaking 3:00PM! Oh well I guess there is no right or wrong time to start work.
Reply to wangI’d just like to say that the photo you used gave me the heebie-jeebies, squared.
Since we’re sharing stories here–I was eating at Jack in the Box (I kid you not) in San Fran. around 1979 and a guy came up and asked if he could sit at my table (the place was full) and I said “sure.” After a couple of minutes he made a proposition to pay me for “something,” and I responded somewhat like you, like “that’s just not my kinda thing.” Nowadays I think a bit more emphatic approach is desirable, like “Hell no, now get out of my sight.” Propositioning strangers violates certain norms of American Society that are in place for good reasons…
Also, I remember that he had nail polish, very poorly done, green nail polish. Also, he was old and ugly. If I was really polite I would have offered some tips on how to buff properly.
Reply to Wahrheitwhy is it that chicks don’t ask that question more often?
Reply to Chessaholic@David K: Clearly, he should have said “please”.
@BDK/Tacticus: This is brilliant. I will have to remember to carry a black sock in the wallet now.
@chessloser: Great retort, but it’s less effective wearing a work shirt and tie.
@Blunderprone: TMI. Right. You’re still a step up from the kid in my book.
@wang: Maybe he had to be at home in time to do his homework?
@Wahrheit: That’s an official picture from a government website, too.
It would’ve been ironic if the guy were a relative of Michael Savage.
@Chessaholic: The frequency with which the chick will ask depends on the guy; if you are, eg, Derek Jeter or George Clooney, this will occur more frequently than for you and me.
Reply to DonnieAs in the cynical radio guy Michael Savage? I’m no fan, but I’m curious about why it would be ironic.
Reply to l3rucewayneDonnie, this is what happens when you talk to the riff raff on the street. First you talk to shopping cart man and now this… and somehow you still seem to be surprised
Reply to Allen@l3rucewayne: Michael Savage is a guy I listened to sporadically, maybe once a month or so. One time on his radio program, he took a call from a gay caller. They argued for a while, then Savage told the guy “I hope you get AIDS and die.”
So he’s not too keen on gays. (This also caused me to swear off listening to the show for a few years.)
He seems to have mellowed a bit recently, though. He criticized Iran for having homosexuality as a capital offense.
@Allen: This guy wasn’t riff raff. He recently had a haircut and took a shower.
Reply to DonnieYeah, I think its kind of Savages thing to be inflammatory often. Ever listen to Michael Medved? He’s the guy I listen to sporadically. He’s a statistics junky (particularly opinion polls) and a good debater, all though I sometimes wish he wouldn’t be so quick to insult. Also I’m slightly jealous of his ability to remember arcane details from history etc. so well.
Reply to l3rucewayneMy favorite conservative radio guy is Dennis Praeger. Very smart, and quite logical. He’s the only one I can really stomach for very long. The rest I can listen about five minutes before I start screaming at the radio.
Reply to bluedevil.knight@yahoo.comI like Praeger too, seems a sweet guy with his happiness hour and everything, but the timing of his show isn’t best for me. Also I’m still a little irritated with his talking about how people voting for Huckabee should go for one of the other two. The dismissal was a little irking, and that he supposedly couldn’t understand how some of his listeners could feel insulted without an explicit insult being stated seemed dishonest to me. I should stop holding that grudge tho.
Reply to l3rucewayne@l3rucewayne: The few times I’ve listened, Medved’s seemed a bit insipid, but then it takes time to “get” a talk show.
@l3ruce/BDK: Unfamiliar with Praegar, maybe should check him out.
And what’s up with Hendrie? Is he trying to be a serious talk show host or something? I stopped making the effort to listen.
Reply to DonnieHaven’t heard of him myself, so I guess if he is he isn’t trying hard enough.
I guess besides his argumentative side medved can seem a little bland and two dimensional. A big part of why I like him most is his seemingly very good political analysis/predictions. He was the first guy to think Huckabee should be taken seriously for instance. Pretty much the only guy supporting McCain for a while on the radio because of his electability and according to medved his authentic conservative, uh, ness… So these things kind of set him apart to me as a host who is fine taking very different positions than his radio colleagues.
And I’ve been impressed with his finding buried details about big stories that are misleading(although this hasn’t happened in a while, probably because of a lack of big stories attacking people he supports? I dunno). So I guess I haven’t noticed the personality or lack thereof before, as it wasn’t what appealed to me. But now that I think about it he does seems a bit bland in that department.
Reply to l3rucewayneWhat else did you expect for $3? If you’d have given him $10, he might have showed you his dick…
Reply to ShazgoodI remember being in Germany and a similar incident happened. I was with my brother and we were walking through a park in Stuttgart when he decided to take a leak in a pubic loo. I waited outside, as you do. Within three minutes I had this creepy middle aged guy proposition me. I guess sitting outside public loos in parks is not a good move.