Requiem
One of my friends mentioned what song she’d like for her funeral.
So that got me thinking as to how I’d like my death handled. Here are my instructions to next of kin:
- Have the doctors remove my usable organs
- Dump me in some convenient, nearby hole
- Use the life insurance money for a new car or something instead of a funeral
More than likely, someone will insist on an actual funeral and ask me what should be played for the requiem. But by the time of the ceremony, I probably won’t care too much what song’s being played. And if I am caring by that point, please have someone unlock the coffin so I can not die by being buried alive. (It would be depressing to realize no one wanted my spare body parts.) So what I’ll do is have five songs prepared, and the party goers can vote on their favorite upon arrival.
“Safety Dance”, Men Without Hats
“White and Nerdy”, Al Yankovich
“(I Can’t Play) Basketball”, Jimmy Fallon
“I’m Too Sexy”, Right Said Fred
“Grillz”, Nelly
List subject to change over the next 50 years or so. I’ll keep you posted.
my my… I still remember how I felt when I wrote that entry. maybe it *is* time to find a new job. Although I always come up with many compelling reasons to stay.
I definitely want to be cremated. Removing usable organs… eh i suppose. Don’t really care what they do with me, I just don’t want my carcass to take up space.
Recent events have got me thinking about what I want to happen right BEFORE I die as well. I take such pretentious pleasure in being morbid. haha.
Reply to annieWell… we can dance if you want to. We can leave your friends behind, because your friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, well, they’re no friends of mine!
Reply to blunderpronesafety dance, safety dance.
Reply to QFinally a funeral for my husband. May he rest in peace.
Mrs Chessloser
Reply to Mrs Chessloser@Annie: This post wasn’t supposed to be here. It looks like for the publish date I typed in “2009″ instead of “2007″, which is why it’s referring to your ancient post.
@Blunderprone: Yes, and if you can wear the same outfit they did in the music video, that would be good too.
@Mrs. Chessloser: That’s for my funeral, not his. Don’t get greedy.
Reply to DonnieI’ll use the same outfit I wear to the Renaissance Faire. You’re messing with a Foole, don’t tempt me.
Reply to BlunderproneMy husband is greedy.
Reply to Mrs ChessloserUnder the wide and starry sky
Dig the grave and let me die;
Glad did I live, and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will!
This be the verse you grave for me:
Reply to RobertHere he lies where he longed to be;
Home is the sailor, home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.
So can I do your funeral slideshow? (Assuming I’m still alive of course.) You won’t care that pictures of Mascot and Mr. E intermittently show up in it right?
Reply to Sworn Enemy :)May I dance on your grave after the funeral is done? Assuming I’m still alive?
Reply to Q@Mrs. Chessloser: Well, maybe you spoiled him.
@Robert: Your poetry is very touching, but I was hoping for something like this:
One who proved to the eggish race
That not all humans were mean.
Toast and pancakes took the place
Where an omelet had been.
@Sworn Enemy: They can be prominently featured. And make sure to include Egg Fu Yung too, so everyone knows I was good to the Asians.
@Q: Yes, but only if you videotape yourself doing it and post it on YouTube.
As a side note, I expect to outlive almost all the (known) LEP readers.
Reply to DonnieBut that poem would be a lie. I saw that carton of eggnog you have in your refrigerator.
Reply to The MascotUm, you must have been mistaken. That was actually a carton of pignog. It’s like eggnog except it’s made out of pork.
Reply to Donniethe statistics are stacked against you outliving me or sworn enemy, since women live longer than men.
Reply to annieThat’s true. But a lot of the reason why men live shorter lives is they tend to live riskier lifestyles and have more dangerous jobs. And that’s not me.
Now I would wager on Sworn Enemy outliving either of us due to her superior eating habits.
Reply to Donnie