Shy guys
Gorckat recently mentioned that he saw me pop into FICS, but was too nervous to say hi. At first, this seemed strange, because online chat is not that personal, but this (along with other experiences) lead me to develop a theory of social barriers.
As one moves up the scale below, interaction becomes more personal and it takes an extra layer of guts to communicate in this fashion for the first time. However, it’s not very hard to move down the scale.
- Face-to-face
- Telephone
- Online chat
- Blog or forum responses
Of course, if you’re naturally social, the amount of guts it takes to move up the scale may be very small, and romantic interest can throw the scale completely out of whack.
while i am not romantically interested in you (it’s not you, it’s me, i’m not gay) if i saw you on FICS i would say hi, and if i knew your phone number i would call you up and say hi, and if i knew where you lived i would drop by and stand outside your house looking at you from the windows and watch you shower, um, i mean, i would stop by and say hi….
Reply to chessloserI’m wondering how silly this conversation would be if you brought it up to someone that was stuck in the past and didn’t have a cell phone or internet.
Reply to drunknkniteChessloser’s answer reminds me of why it is very important that you never publish your address or phone number online…
Reply to Allen@chessloser: Mrs. chessloser wasn’t looking over your shoulder while you were typing that, right?
@drunknknite: If anyone lives near Lancaster, PA it would probably be easy to find out.
@Allen: Exactly, you publish the personal information of your enemies. (Sworn Enemy’s phone is 409-555-0101.)
Reply to DonnieYour hierarchy makes a lot of sense–and drunknknite, back in the old days they just started with a friend-of-a-friend approach, then a note, a chaperoned visit and, eventually, getting busy. Of course the list isn’t just for romantic relationships, but chessloser’s not a man to waste a lot of time pretending to want to look at your etchings…
Reply to Wahrheitpersonally, social situations give me hives. i detest mingling and schmoozing, which is why every single friend in my circle is from either middle or high school.
Face to face is truly difficult; i honestly can’t do it. where do my hands go? is there something on my face? why did my conversation partner’s eyes just flick to something else just now? am I boring? am I ugly? Does my breath stink?
I’d rather just sit in a corner and watch people.
Reply to annie@Wahrheit: A CHAPERONED visit? Talk about a turn-off…or an extra costly date if you have the wherewithal to bribe the chaperone.
“Etchings”. Interesting word.
@Annie: To allay your fears: You are not ugly. Due to a poor sense of smell, I can’t tell if you have bad breath. You are sometimes boring, but I am too so that’s OK.
As long as your hands are not on the other person’s face, feet, or groin, you are probably doing OK.
Reply to Donniepersonally, social situations give me hives. i detest mingling and schmoozing,
I’m a professional wallflower.
I have battled social anxiety disorder for awhile. I can interact with strangers just fine in known, established roles, such as waiter and patron. I can fulfill my role if you keep your end of the deal.
Cross a line, change the rules or get weird in some way, and all bets are off. I’ll get quite uncomfortable.
But once we’re friends, I’ll be walking into your apartment shirtless and sweaty even though you’re eating Thanksgiving dinner with your mother (long story, maybe some other time).
The other night Tom came on and pinged me first and I was much more comfortable starting up the conversation with him.
Might be
Huh. I got called away from my desk for ~10 minutes and have no idea what I was gonna say there. Ah, well!
Reply to gorckatHuh. I got called away from my desk for ~10 minutes and have no idea what I was gonna say there. Ah, well!
This would work well on a tombstone.
Some people just aren’t cut out to be super social, and some need talking and company. The variety of types of humans is one of our great strengths.
Reply to Donnie